So, I'm in a weird place of emotions right now. It's nowhere near what is what a couple months ago, but I find that my feelings about the sitch vary widely in a course of a few hours. I go from wanting my W, to being mad at her, to being depressed that I can't save my family, to being excited about looking at the future with someone else. I feel like a high school girl. I talk to IC today and caught myself saying that I'm numb with the betrayal that W has done. I told her about how my anger is centered around the dissolution of our family. I guess maybe I've supressed it or am still in denial. This had been going on for so long, I look back and don't know what to believe. It also bothers me that she was ML with me and not fully into it (she's said she's never ML with OM and I believe her that it was probably that way before she left, IDK) I'm not sure why someone would do that in a marriage. Another piece of this horrible lie she has had for >1 year. I understand how she resented me being content In the M when she was struggling with all of these other things.

Dropped kids off at Target today at her suggestion. Weird that she wanted it there, I thought she may need to go shopping, but when I got there she was inside. I texted her that I was there and she asked in the parking lot? I said yeah and she came out right away with nothing in her hand. I thought she was going to take the kids shopping, but then just put them in the car. It was just weird, I wonder if she wanted me to come in with the kids and spent a little bit of time together? Probably reading into it, it was just an odd arrangement.

Anyway for me, I had a pretty tough weekend with the kids. I don't know if it was the schedule change, but they were both out of sorts. S5 see,s to be having some anger issues. He had some in the beginning of this, it settled down for a few months, but it seems to be brewing again.

IDK, it almost seems like I'm starting to be okay with the situation between W and I, but the family sitch is what I'm holding onto. I wonder if this is where she was over the last year before BD, trying to hold onto it for the family, but felt she was sacrificing her happiness for it. I just wish that she would have said ANYTHING to me about our M or her not being happy (it was just 1 time in passing and that was it)

Last edited by MCS; 02/17/15 07:42 AM.
M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)