Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[TLEE86]

I don't even know where to start. So I guess Ill just go. Ive structured this so feel free to skip parts since this will be long

Update Past 2 Weeks
Things are on again and off again as usual. We talk regularly, but theres only a few times where there is some depth to the conversation. Something I am working on to do at least once a week. Ironically both W and I have been having baby fever lately, but I don't express it to her. She sends me pictures of baby stuff and it makes me sad. I see a bunch of people walking around with babies and it [censored] because I want kids so bad- REALLY BAD. Things are still very much one-sided, as everything is still on her terms. Ive called her out on it but she just says she recognizes that but doesn't make an effort to really change. Ive been busy with work as usual, this past week I had 2x 48hour days and other days Ive had about 3hours or less of sleep. Because of this, we havent talked as much as usual, and I thought it was her not wanting to, but apparently she thought the same so I guess we were both wanting communication but neither one of us really pushed hard for it. I guess this was my attempt at reducing contact for a few days- it sort of happened?

Besides that, sent her a small Valentines Day box of chocolates and a card and stuff- nothing crazy- and it went over well. I did actually enforce a boundary this month and told her straight up she won't be getting any $ because she's still living there with OM and she actually said she understood, and if the situation were reversed, shed do the same thing.

COMPLAINING

I miss my W. I miss everything we had together. And it hurts to hear her say how much she misses Alaska. I hate going to sleep without her or waking up without her next to me. I hate coming home and she's not there with a huge smile on her face. And honestly? I miss kissing her, telling her I love you. Its weird to even say that out loud now because i havent said it in 5 months. I miss having my best friend with me to explore all the new things in every city and take the dogs hiking. I really feel like my better half is missing. Well, its because she is.

My Thoughts
W is still so lost in the sauce that this thing will never resolve itself until W figures out her own life, or I get so tired of dealing with this that I just give up. But not yet, Ive set my mark on April so well see. I find myself craving attention from women lately. Idk what it is. I guess I just miss the attention, the affection, actually being wanted, just someone to talk to. I don't think I really want to date..but just to know that someone actually appreciates what I do and still finds me attractive. Like Hunter Hayes says..."wanna make you feel wanted." Ive read on a few threads that other people are thinking this too.

My W's Thoughts on her Blog
"Some things I wish I could change or do differently or let go of recently.. Not being strong enough, not going home or sending myself on vacation when I should have, worrying about money when I didn’t have to, not going to school earlier, getting so comfortable in my simple routine of coffee and golden girls all day, being so hard on myself when I looked in the mirror, not realizing the damage I was doing to my body, not being what you needed me to be, not forcing you to be what I needed, not knowing what I want, never making a decision, second guessing my every move. So much more. I still can’t find the path."

Coach's Corner
Says I need to do something to keep the ball rolling. We've plateaued with our conversations and something needs to change to keep it interesting and unpredictable besides the phone. Asked me how I think W would react if i surprise visited her- Honestly? I don't think it would go well. Not a surprise visit. BUT, we agreed a white lie would be ok and tell W I am in town for work and would she want to do dinner- since this worked before when I actually was there for work.

March is a big month. Got engaged in March, married in March, and there is a formal Military Ball in March that obviously I would love for her to go to. Idk what to do about the anniversary. Seems retarded to send a card saying Happy Anniversary when neither one of us is happy. But Idk.

Goals for the Week (as far as me and W)
1. Talk about something deep once a week
2. Keep being unpredictable
3. Try and see her in March

Fellow DB'ers
Z- Ive been thinking a lot about what you said. "Don't give away the best parts of me for free. Show them, but don't let her enjoy them on her terms."

Honestly Idk how to do this. How do i show them, but not let her enjoy it on her terms when everything is so one-sided? You make a great point, but idk how to do this. Thoughts?

C and Pink-
WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU TWO?! Seriously havent heard from you guys on your own threads in forever and their both locked out. You two need to come up on the NET, like NOW. Getting worried and hoping you two are good