I think it would help to document the days and times W gets up, comes home, stays awake during her phone-fests with OW, and gets in bed. Nothing like hard data to show W how the supposedly 'lack of time' with kids isn't your fault but how she uses HER own time.
Perhaps make a spreadsheet reflecting this.
I laughed when I read this -- my W is a HUGE fan of spreadsheets!
We got the kids to bed and actually had a rather civil conversation which I initiated to assure her that I was not doing anything to try to prevent her from spending time with the kids. I did mention her work hours and that fact that she's been sleeping in late and that I've just been trying to take care of things to keep the kids on a routine that helps them do better at school.
She did agree to my request that we monitor behavior and work habits at school to ensure that her request works without disrupting their routine too much.
We ended the conversation on a very civil note... But it is clear that she is still focused on separation -- thinking about how things will be when we are in separate houses and dealing with the kids on our own, even thinking as far ahead as when they are older and might express preferences with regard to who they live with, etc. -- so the civil tone doesn't mean anything positive with regard to our relationship... except that we can be civil to each other at times.
So I've successfully calmed Monster down for the evening... Will be interesting to see if she gets up early tomorrow to help with breakfast and getting them ready to head to school...
The most positive thing that I think came out of our discussion this evening is that we did speak very civilly to each other and both expressed our shared desire to have much better communication with each going forward. I know that can change in a second depending on her moods, so I'm just trying to appreciate the fact that at least tonight I was able to tell her what I was thinking and feeling about the situation (with her request to spend more time with the kids) without it turning into a difficult conversation with lots of animosity.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
