"Has too much damage been done by both of us to each other in that time period? I don't know, maybe"
That's up to you. There can never be so much damage that things can't be healed.
Forgiveness is a learned skill. I never saw it growing up and I literally did not know HOW to do it, once I decided I wanted to. And forgiving her does not necessarily require you to reconcile, but to let go of the pain you are in now.
But it is something you must do, for yourself...when you grasp what that means, when you really get that holding onto your pain is not in your interest (or anyone's, and certainly not in your d's), then you'll know you have made more progress.
And if you do reconcile, it'll be a task for both of you. Among other things, she'll have to regain your trust AND you will have to regain hers.
Because why should she return to a marriage she wanted out of, unless there is is some promise of her needs being better met? And you had an "indiscretion" (great euphemism, btw) as well. While you don't seem to think they are similar, to her I am sure they are very similar. Regardless, I'm sure you'd agree that those things cannot happen again either.
You'll have to avoid ever throwing it in her face or holding it over her head, and she'll have to own some tough things to own.
In short, you'll have to do what the vows suggest, and go
"From this day forward", which means letting go of the past. I think those words were brilliantly inserted into my vows and they mean A LOT.
Give yourself a lot of time. You have it at the moment.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
