Seperated, she is with someone - I'm desperate (2)

[vdubber]

With today being a holiday I expect I will get a call back from L tomorrow to schedule an appt. I'm very nervous as while I need to know my legal rights, much of what I read is to drag out the D if the W isn't forcing it. At the same time she says it's because she can't afford it and she is pretty much living with OM so how long do I hang on for hopes of reconciling vs. hanging on out of desperation and dependency?

I prayed and cried quite a bit earlier but have been ok this afternoon. W will come by here and pick up kids in a couple hours which means I might see her but then again she may not come to door. I made an appearance change for me. I had a very long goatee with short side beard and i cut goatee way back....further than actually intended so it's actually very short now. Feels a bit strange but I felt like I needed a change. Gonna get alot of rubber neck in at work tomorrow as I will stand out like a sore thumb.

Last time I cut my goatee down was last May and it is much shorter this time. I remember my W loved it, curious if she will even mention it this time. It doesn't matter as I did not do it for her honestly. I just needed a change. I would grow my hair back too if I could pull that off but sadly those days are gone and I rather like the Mr. Clean look anyway.

I think I will run and grab dinner and a drink at a local sports pub tonight and just to try hard at my GAL this week. I go out with a couple guy work friends after work tomorrow and Wednesday I see my IC so I doubt I will be up to alot of GAL afterwards since I'm usually swollen eyed afterwards. I know I need to do find some guy friends to hang out with and stay busy...I'm pretty introverted so I need to step outside my comfort zone a bit.

I have a buddy who expats in Singapore who will be in town for a couple weeks in about 10 days and he wants to go out so that will be a day where I am busy, just need to keep forcing myself to keep getting out of the house.

BTW, I have got in the habit of trying to make sure I read Sandi's 37 rules along with the article on Detachment every day. This is one of my goals as I think I need to hear it over and over and over again to sink in and believe. I see alot of those reasons for not detaching applying directly to me and I need to get past it.