Complex #5 - progress and throwbacks

[Complex]

Damn, motivational issues again today. Slept very long, not sure if it's the meds.
Still need to follow up on some of my GAL activities, but so don't feel like it today. For sure I'll go to the gym.

So in general communication with W loosened a bit. It's not helping my detaching plans and I absolutely don't want to become a doormat or cater her too much. But I also see she feels a little more comfortable around me, which is a good thing. Before there was a lot of tension and anxiety in the house.
I have to proceed with a lot of caution. I'm reading Jack Ito's 'Connecting through yes'. Very good book on communication, includes a lot of stuff about separation too.
I have to keep going detaching etc. Struggling when there's more contact. The early side effects of the meds are not helping either. And I think it's also important that W feels a little less stressed about the living situation, so she doesn't push things overly fast. Bc every time we had a stupid discussion she pulled away faster and just wanted to get out. So more relaxed living is good thing as long as I'm not suffering too much through it and have the energy to keep doing my thing.

Sunday family event is coming up. Pretty scared.

I'm really confused about the whole situation again. Is this 'limbo' thing ok right now, or would it be better to really NC, pulling away myself? I feel like there will be so much more coming up, after I get my greencard.

I just have NO clue what's going on in her head. Why didn't she tell her parents yet? Why hasn't she contacted a lawyer yet (I actually don't know that but I assume)? Why is she still living with me? Is she doing all of this just to 'not screw me over completely, as a favor bc of guilt'? Or maybe she's just letting things roll. I mean I'm completely off the love radar right now. And then OM...I really don't think they sleep with each other and I'm really in the dark right now what's going on. I guess it doesn't really matter... But as you see it's fkn circling and circling in my head.

Progress and throwbacks........