Loss of enjoyment in previously pleasurable activities is called hypohedonia. Agitation and anxiety are common in depression. Depression also affects a person's ability to process information. During depression, many people develop problems with memory and concentration. As the depression, or as we refer to going further in the tunnel, hypohedonia may give way to anhedonia, a complete loss of interest in things that were previously enjoyable. The person experiencing anhedonia may question himself/herself as to whether he/she has chosen the right path in life or the right mate, etc. An example would be if the person had worked at the same job for many years, he/she may begin to wonder if they are getting burned out. They begin to question everything about their lives.
A lack of warm, loving feelings toward family and friends is a symptom of depression, just as is irritability. The person may say that they are numb or feel like a robot. The person may feel that he/she wants to be left alone. This particular symptom many times contributes to a deepening spiral of depression because they end up feeling so very guilt-ridden. An example would be that the person starts to think that the family might be better off without him. The person feels torn between guilt for being such a burden and resentment that no one understands. The person can't see a way out of his/her problems. Sleep is terrible at this point. He/she begins to smoke a lot more and begin to drink more frequently also. (In severe depression, there will be a number of middle of the night awakenings or awaken early in the morning. Sometimes they will not sleep at all.)
Also, depression can lead to "pseudodementia". It resembles the cognitive difficulties some elderly people get with senile dementia or Alzheimer's. This type of dementia is fully reversible with proper treatment.
Bipolar can be especially destructive to a marriage or relationship. The manic phase makes people demanding, critical, complaining, say and do hurtful things. It causes them to spend money that their families cannot afford to spend, causes lapses of judgment that can lead to the loss of a job, alcohol and drug abuse, sexual indiscretions, and problems with the law. Then there are times when the manic person will often complain that his/her spouse doesn't show that they care about them. (It's not uncommon for two people with mood disorders to marry. This is called "assortative mating".) A manic individual and a spouse who stay married often become involved in an entwined relationship where they lose some individual identity. The spouse of a manic individual does not feel free to have his/her own life. To have a separate life threatens the manic spouse. It causes separation anxiety and a reactive rage to the threat of abandonment. In some cases the manic spouse will become threatening or suicidal. Thus resentment and depression may occur in the sane spouse because they get beaten down, passive and withdrawn. They become unassertive, they feel like they are walking on eggshells, just trying to avoid saying or doing anything to provoke an outburst in the manic spouse. No matter what you say or do, there will be outbursts.
A primary feature of atypical depression is the so-called "mood reactivity". The person will temporarily feel better when good things happen, especially if he/she is loved or admired. The spouse may flourish with the attention of others and may not appear the least bit depressed. They may even feel a bit high. The periods of normal mood are not stable, and when they are criticized or rejected, they will feel devastated and quickly relapse. A person with pronounced rejection sensitivity may run into a great deal of interpersonal difficulty. They will overreact to perceived slights with bitter disappointment and anger. The anger can be expressed indirectly through sullen withdrawal.
Anxiety individuals complain that they feel anxious, tense, nervous, wound up, worried or even uptight. They normally will complain of having difficulty controlling anxiety, worry or tension. They fatigue easily and often have trouble sleeping. The physical symptoms are: trembling, twitching, dry mouth, sweating, nausea, diarrhea or a sensation of a lump in the throat. It has been suggested that anxiety may be an early symptom of depression.
Then there is the panic disorder. A person can experience this for no apparent reason. They will have a sudden wave of frightening physical sensations and emotional symptoms such as: thumping, racing heartbeat, shaking, sweaty palms, heaviness or pain in the chest, lightheadedness, numbness or tingling sensations, or shortness of breath. There is an intense dread or sense of doom that overtakes the person. The person may think that they are dying, having a heart attack, or going crazy and losing control. If the attacks are frequent, the person may avoid situations where the attacks may have occurred. Just the thought of having a panic attack can provoke anxiety which is called anticipatory anxiety.
Please do not tell your spouses that they are depressed. They will not listen to you. They must figure this out on their own.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
