You need to know that I had my own OW during my own affair. Affairs are incredibly hurtful because it crosses the line of trust and intimate bonds that is explicit in a M.
This is probably a very, very dark time for you. I totally get why you feel getting an A is the only thing that will save you. That's not true. YOU are the only person who can make you happy...not Kieran, not OM, not your GFs, not your family. You are 100% percent for your own happiness.
Sure, Marriages are hard work. Why else do we say "for better, for worse..." or "from this day forward" in our vows. Marriages do have conflict. It is a given. How you and Kieran handle conflicts and resolve them is up to you.
I know you still love Kieran deep inside..don't let that flame die completely. However, you must break free from your OM 100% RIGHT NOW to give yourself and M any chance for success. Decide now. You owe it to yourself, Kieran, your M, and family.
I totally get the fact that you might be feeling completely hopeless and feeling that your needs will never be met. Seek help. Engaging in an A is very hurtful...please don't go down that path.
We have had the WAS (Walk Away Spouse) come here with the their LBS (Left Behind Spouse) and grown together. I sincerely do hope you will take up our offer to come here and we will surround you with love and support.
Sandi has been a very, very valuable resource as she was a WAW (Walk Away Wife) who had an affair with her OM. She's ended the A a long time ago and is now happily reconciled with her H. I believe Sandi would be a terrific ally to you.
