[color:#FF0000][/color]My wife after 15 years of marriage told me 3 weeks ago that she was having an affair. She told me it was because she has fallen out of love with me and did so some time back like 6-10 years ago. Now she tells me she is in love with the OM. What do I do? How can I get her to fall back into love with me? Please any advice would help
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
My wife and I have been married for 14.5 years and together for almost 17. I found out about 3 weeks ago that she was having an affir for the past four months. At first she told me she wanted a divorce but now she said she want a seperation. She tells me she isn't in love with me anymore and she hasn't been for about 10 years now. I thought she was the happiest person I knew. She also told me that this OM isnt going anywhere. She stays at the house about 3 nights a week which is very confusing for our children. We have 4 wonderful children and they cry themselves to sleep everynight she isn't home. I am willing to forgive her for this and forget and move on but she is being very mean about it coming home with marks on her neck and wearing his jackets. She tells me she wants to work on it but I really cant see how she does when she continues to go over to his house every other night and most weekends. All I can do right now is be there for my children and hold them while they cry for her and when they call her she hangs up on them. If anybody has any advice on whay I can do I would really appreciate it. To be completly honest I have tried everything I can think of and everyting my coach has told me and (I know it didn't get broke over night and it can't be fixed overnight)nothing seems to be helping. I'm at my witts end.
So far last night was very hard for the children. She spent about 1.5 hours with them this weekend and feels no remorse. Now the kids I think are starting to resint her. This is not what I want, I need to figure out at way to make her see what she is doning to her family
You CAN'T "MAKE" her see what she's doing. That's the number one thing you're going to have to understand and the more you pressure her the wrong way, the faster she's going to leave.
We can get your M back on track, but you have to give us more info.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I do have a db coach and I am doing what he says. I have read the DR Book and I am trying to implement that. There were a lot of things I found out about me that I didn't like and I am trying to fix me right now but she keeps going to his house. Last night she started getting text from some random number telling her that she was with this OM and my wife doesn't believe it. She actually blames me for her getting the text I was in bed watching the ball game. I mean last night I came home cooked dinner for the kids went to the GYM and came back home so I could watch the game. There are a lot of things this person told her that I had no clue about, but Im still getting the blame. I completely understand that this is by her own doing (the affair that is) and I understand that my marriage is dead. I want to start with a clean slate and move forward but somehow he is giving her something that I couldn't and I can't figure out what that is. When she does come home to see the children she is always on the phone texting him or talking to him with total disregard of the children. I have set boundries I have told her that when she does come home I would appreciate it if she wouldn't wear the necklace and earrings he gave her or the hoodie he gave her (only because I can't get away from it for one day) I told her she was being very disrepectful to me and the children wearing that suff. When the kids asked her where she got the necklace and earrings she told them she found it. They just looked at me. They know whats going on but now they are starting to resint her. what do I do? I am trying to have patients but they are thinning.
Was that the boundary (jewelry and hoodie)? If so, you need to learn more about boundaries, okay?
First, we have boundaries for our protection, not to control others. Second, you do not ask her, you tell her. Third, a boundary is not an ultimatum or a request. Fourth, if the boundary is not honored by her, the response is your action. What will you do to protect your feelings when she openly disrespects you by wearing gifts from OM?
Be sure you understand something before you try to use it. Be prepared by knowing in advance what you will do. No action means the boundary was not effective. You have to follow through. So, what can you do if she continues to wear the gifts from her OM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
This past weekend was good we talked like we used to she gave me a hug before she went out with the "girls" is what she told me and sunday she gave me a kiss and told me baby I still love you. Now today not so much she texted me and was extremely mad I'm not sure why either. I haven't responed except to say what is going on I have no clue y u are mad at me. she wont respond now. so I'm going to leave well enough alone is that the right move? is she thinking about coming back home?
