Quick re-cap.. 21.12.14 WAW drops ILYBINILWY bomb. She leaves, gone for 2 weeks. I then move out for financial and ease of access reasons. Agree on 6 month seperation. Very little contact for 6 weeks. At 16.02.15, WAW shows no signs of changing her mind. No signs of OM.
So I'm starting a new thread mainly because my outlook on my sitch has changed over the last week. I still don't want to divorce, and am not enjoying seperation. I can't talk WAW into giving it another shot though (believe me, I've tried). I've read DB so far. DR and NMMNG are awaiting me when I get home today. I'm going to get straight on and read these.
I went round to see W on Valentine's Day - I had dropped a card through the door but it was more a humorous gesture than a profesion of love. She knows all too well how I feel. We've never celebrated Valentines Day due to having a Wedding Anniversary. We may not have another so I thought I'd better get one last card in just in case!!
We had some text communication that ended with me going to visit her in our home. I told her I didn't want to rake over the past any more, we both know how we got here (apathy mainly), what each other's role in the breakdown was, and both know how the other feels about the sitch. We don't agree on the outcome but that's work in progress for me to see if she will reconsider. That was the first time I'd spoken to W since BD without getting upset at all. We even managed a few laughs.
Despite these laughs, I was honest with her in that our old M is over, there is no going back to how it was (I wouldn't want to either) we were so unhappy. I have told her that I'm aware of this fact but that I don't believe it's the end of us. We can start something new, however slowly we have to take it.
She was also honest with me in that right now, she "sees this seperation as permanent" (no mention of D).
Even though she says she doesn't see a way back from this, I see in her body language, the things she says and the way she says them that there is still some doubt her mind. She won't voice it as she doesn't want to get my hopes up. She is different now but my W is still in there somewhere.
I spent the weekend resting, eating, and mentally preparing myself for the fight ahead. I've made copious notes over the last 6 or 7 weeks which I've compiled into a battle plan. I have lots of 180's to work on, GAL activities, PMA books to read, and have written down lots of examples of what works (and what doesn't) plus what things were like between us when times were good and bad.
There's still hope my friends, and by God, I mean to give it my all.
Barry.
Me 40 W 38 T 23 M 21 S21 S19 D16 S14 BD 19/12/2014 D mentioned 27/2/2015. I filed 08/04/2015, D Absolute 04/11/2015
