So this is the day after... Yesterday was probably one of the hardest things that I have had to do. I took a page from a DB post, and helped her move. Yes I know that it opened me up to more pain, and probably more grief then I needed, but I felt it was the right thing to do. It did provided me with a couple opportunities where her family reached out to me again. They were as dumbfounded as I am to the whole thing. It certainly helped to hear their words of encouragement.
Both my D's seem to be taking it all in stride... it is good to see that all of my work to prepare them for this reality has helped and payed off, at least for right now. In someways I guess it goes to show what everyone has been saying, kids are hardy they can take a lot.
Now to the real question how am I doing? I'm at a loss for words, hurting... in pain... strong... all of the above. All of the above seems to be the best category for it. It has been really painful to move throughout the house and be reminded that she isn't here anymore. Yet even as I say that I think to myself, what I have been living for the last few months has been terrible. Terrible with only little points of good which I tried desperately to cling to, like it was signaling a change.... it wasn't I believe it was only a reflection of her denial. I know that it will get better, this is just day one. I have spent the last 6 months (and probably longer) adjusting to a new normal, every time I have come out stronger.... this is just one of those times. It still [censored]!
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
