Bea, I agree w/you on one thing...he's trying to figure the whys of it all. He is starting to wake up just a wee bit, but let's hope it's the beginning of something more and he can actually find his way out of his fog.
Yes, it can be quite disturbing to sit there and listen to them talk about how things turned out and see the pain and confusion of "how did I get there". It's like watching someone wake up from a year long coma and seeing that everything has changed drastically within that year.
Please take care of yourself. Even minor ops. come w/some pain and healing. Be kind to yourself during your recovery and do not worry about your xh because the man upstairs is watching over him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
