This is my wife to a T......"WAW is just as out-of-control"
I was on call this weekend, which is usually quite stressful and hectic, but I have to say that I had a great weekend thanks to you. Your post, directing me to etaoin's thread, was very empowering. I see my W in a completely different light. Now that I know (at least on a basic level) what her issues are, I can forget about her for now, let her work out her own issues - they are hers to work out, and begin focusing on myself.
Originally Posted By: Ontheup
Not one personon her side knows....sigh!
On, you make that sound like a bad thing. I confided in my sister on BD, and I don't regret it one bit. She may have saved my life.
However, over the last year, others have found out. Some from me and some from my W. Consider yourself fortunate that no one on your Ws side knows. My ILs and BIL have become her biggest enablers. I blocked OMs FB page, but I have been told that my step-MIL posts to OMs page. It is very painful to know that the ILs I have respected all these years have thrown me under the bus. They bought my wife's narrative hook, line, and sinker: We were in a loveless marriage, OM is a friend, etc... They even accused me of being too controlling when I staked out OMs house and found them coming out together - blamed the cop for catching the thief red-handed. With respect to friends, I am always wondering who my W told. Whenever I see someone she *may* have told, I feel a bit cold towards them. It is a very unsettling thing and it can harm relationships that may be valuable later on. The less your Ws family/friends know the better. Also the less you know about who knows, the better.
Even with respect to my own family, I have to tell you that Sandi's rule (I think that was where I read it) about not telling others or at least limiting to whom you tell is spot on. Although my family has been very supportive, they have become another outlet for me to vent to and have enabled excessive, non-productive venting/complaining. I love them very much, but it runs counter to "manning up" and I think I take advantage of them too much. there is no proof that complaining helps or makes you feel better. On the contrary, it probably keeps you from focusing on the matters at hand, detaching and GAL.
I know, that in a just world, everyone would know about the A, castigate your W, and recommend that she reconcile because it is the right thing to do. It just does not work that way. Again, consider yourself lucky that no one knows.
