Well, starting this crap over again has definitely clarified my wants. Unfortunately, he had to leave for that to happen. It's Sunday night - we have spent every Sunday night together for a very long time. I have to do whatever it takes to get myself together. My god, Dustin is my best friend, and I love him and miss him SO MUCH. Already. The only thing different this time is that I really think he might miss me, too. I don't care if he comes home late, has to be prompted to change diapers, pick up the kid, whatever. I do want to be married to him, and I think it would be nothing short of a miracle if he thought that, too. I am not whining again - I just realize I miss him. He adds so much to my life, and I hope this isn't the end of our lives being intertwined. Hugs all, Myrrh P.S. Got a good counselor recommendation from friend M - am going to speak to a doctor about a referral to her tomorrow.
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Good, Myrrh. I sense some positive resolve here in this post.
You're on the right path.
Our sermon today made me think of you. The theme of the readings and the gospel was letting go of the past so we can do God's work in the future.
Being repentant is good. But the only way you can change the future is to take care of now. The good news is that you have a plan to address these things.
Life is what you make it, and you have a plan. So go get it by grabbing on with both hands!
And have a marvelous time reading Diana...
Hugs and talk to you tomorrow.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Well, for info's sake, here's the rest of what I heard yesterday: "I don't want to talk about that (the D). I don't mind you calling me, but I don't want to talk about that. I told you what I wanted (to file, he added later)." "We are incompatible." "We have too many unresolved issues, and you can't deal with yours with me in your life." (My reply: why can't we work on our issues?, His answer: Because I don't want to.) I don't know what to do, other than get hooked up with my doctor and a counselor, begin my apartment search, and wait for him to file. I am back to square 0 here. I know people are irritated with me right now on the BB, but I just don't see a lot abou tthe sitch that's good. I will be okay either way, I guess. Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
WELL...I don't think you're back at square 1 (though I'm sure it feels that way) -- WHY? Because you are well-versed in DB technology, no? So, that means that you KNOW how to approach and process the information that h is giving you AND at the same time, figuring out what you need to do for yourself...
What did you hear over the weekend?
* h doesn't want to talk about D -- so don't * h doesn't want to work on "Our" issues -- so stop asking him to
You said the only thing you could do is:
Quote: I don't know what to do, other than get hooked up with my doctor and a counselor, begin my apartment search, and wait for him to file.
Well, yah, that's actually a step in the right direction, no? Get back to DB'ing for YOU...focus your energies on the things that you CAN control which is YOU and your issues. STOP pursuing h (it's backing him into a corner).
I (personally) don't think he's going anywhere for now so heed his discussion of his concerns with the M and get cracking!!!!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: "I don't want to talk about that (the D). I don't mind you calling me, but I don't want to talk about that. I told you what I wanted (to file, he added later)."
Quote:
And you are asking him about this for what reason???? Myrrh, leave it alone. Do not, I repeat, do not bring up the future with him. It's fine to let him know you are going to go a counselor, but let the rest alone.
Woman, he has said he doesn't want to talk about it. Don't try pushing him to say something he may want to change his mind about later. You are pushing him on this issue. STOP!
Today you need to get on the phone with counselors. Start concentrating on You!
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Quote: I (personally) don't think he's going anywhere for now so heed his discussion of his concerns with the M and get cracking!!!!
Sage- I appreciate this comment, and I know pursuit is the wrong thing to do. I am having a hard time NOT doing it. For instance, I showed up at his shop this morning and told him I was going to look for apts. He said he would pay half and even lease it in his name if my credit wouldn't allow me to get the apt. He is still planning on calling lawyers, and says that he just doesn't want to see me, or be around me. I told him I didn't want to sign the two-year waiver (that basically would say he never moved back in and we had been separated since September) and he got really angry. I suck at DBing right now, and I am not os sure that I want this marriage anymore, either. He will be calling a lawyer today, and will file as soon as he possibly can. He doesn't hate me, but he wants this over with and dammit, how am I ever going to let myself heal from this if I can't ever let it go! Thanks and hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
You don't suck at DB'ing -- you're doing what many of us do and have done -- reverting to old behaviors when we get stuck in a corner -- You had a very emotional weekend that brought up a bunch of stuff -- you both got back to OLD stuff -- ways of thinking and reacting to each other -- NO BLAME it just seems that that's the way it is. We know it's a cycle, a dance -- we're just gonna figure out how to get you to change your steps right now.
Quote: and says that he just doesn't want to see me, or be around me.
I know, know, know from the bottom of my heart how hard it is to hear this and "respect" his wishes but it seems to me that this is key...but you know that, right?
Quote: I told him I didn't want to sign the two-year waiver (that basically would say he never moved back in and we had been separated since September) and he got really angry.
I don't know how this came up but STOP talking about it. Don't bring it up and if he does tell him that you're focused on XYZ and will get to that topic...blah, blah, blah.
I don't know if this applies to you at all but let me throw it out there...I know that I would be thinking that I have to fix EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW -- apartment, conveying to h about D, C, all that stuff. Guess what? YOU DON'T.
Doing nothing about a particular area or topic is a perfectly acceptable DB method -- particularly if it's a 180 for you.
I feel like I may be throwing too much info at your right now...especially when it's stuff you already know...I just really think that if you can back off you can get back on track.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Sage- Thanks a million for the words of encouragement. At this point, I have done what I could today. Screwed up as much as I could, and taken steps toward the future.
I looked at an apartment today, and if all goes well, I will be in it by at least the middle of next week. Other than that, I am not pushing for anything right now. I just know I can't be in the house anymore. I have to move out right now for me, and my own emotional health. It is a lot easier to detach in a place that isn't full of memories and belongings and such of Dustin and our life together.
I have to get this apartment for me. I have to. He wants to help with costs and me moving in, and I am going to let him. I still won't file, but I won't stay in this stuck place either. I need physical distance just as much as he does right now. Does that seem dumb to you guys? Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
