a young man with hope II

[lnlyshp]

Up late. Can't sleep.

Going to file my response on Tuesday. Honestly it couldn't have come at a worse time, financially-speaking. But the sooner everything is settled, the sooner I can start figuring everything out in terms of a new living situation for me and S and hopefully trade in my car (piece of junk Honda).

Date went well. Very nice time with my friend. Nothing too romantic. But she did kiss me at the end of the night - maybe that's just SOP with those kinds of things. I've always been the type of guy to come to your doorstep, open your car door for you, and some of those old fashioned type things, etc. I hope she didn't feel pressured to kiss me or anything. I am still just not ready for anything serious.

I've had trouble staying positive during exchanges with STBX. I feel I am coming off as very cold or mean, largely a side effect of my anger towards her (or myself rather). Deep down, I still love her and miss her. I just don't think things could ever be fixed or rebuilt, and I think the anger is just a way of dealing with that unfortunate reality. I just need to start being more friendly to her because it seems like she is trying her best to be understanding towards me.

Back is also starting to feel better. The hot tub/swimming helped quite a bit. Not quite ready to hit the weights again yet, but in a week or so, I should be ready to start light excercises. The squat rack misses me.

Also reading a great book to pass the time. American Gods by Neil Gaiman. It helps when I don't have S to look after or homework to finish.

Thanks again to anyone taking the time to read this. Goodnight all,
- ship