Jbird#2 Separated Living Together Need Advice

[25yearsmlc]

Staytog,

I did show her his court records. The reason I showed her was for her wellbeing and to make sure I wouldn't feel guilty if something does happen. Now my conscience is clear.

You didn't mention that your unspoken goal was to get your w to change her mind. But even without this particular OM, how could you possibly get back together with the other factors?

So while I guess you are saying that now your "conscience is clear", (as if you had any responsibility for her choices. And please check this behavior b/c I see elements of control, and major league codependence in you here), I sure hope you can finally let go of any more talk about OM.


Seriously, drop the rope.


She got real defensive, but so what. Then took me off her facebook, who cares, not me!

It is very hard to detach when living in the same house with STXW and SND20.


How many times are you going to tell yourself ^^this? No one here had it easy.

If your w had left you all completely, you'd say she "abandoned" the kids, and now that she plans on leaving for Montana, my guess is you'll also find that "really hard", as if it was easy for anyone here.

My kids were a lot younger than yours, and my h would drop by and stay in the home every few weeks or months....without notice, and I had no control over when he'd do that.

Yes it was hard. But if you do not change your approach you will face MORE difficulty.

IF I WERE YOU, I"D fear the alternative to GAL, A LOT MORE....the alternative is More of the same. When you attach your well being to your wife's behavior, you surrender control over your life and happiness to a sick person. And it's not a healthy choice on Your end, either.



I don't have the freedom to just leave anytime I feel like. I will do more GAL when SND20 is spending time with her friends.


So what are YOU doing to make that^^ happen?

I wouldn't trade my daughter for any relationship in the future. We come as a package deal, so my next R maybe a longtime coming. Right now if someone was knocking down my door I wouldn't be interested.

Jbird

That is good to hear, especially b/c you are nowhere near ready for a relationship with another woman.

You need to pretty much drop the rope now. Not sure how many ways to say this but you must GAL, detach, heal and move on.

Jbird, you thank people for their advice here. You say that it "really helps", often.

I don't mean to sound harsh but you need a bit of a 2 x 4. So here is my question,

Do you take any of the advice? You really must.

This program only works, when you work this program. Take some advice, start doing what has been suggested numerous times. Your life will improve.