I do think your wife is in one of the early stages of remorse, but there are several stages. They'll go from "I'm sorry I got caught," to "I'm sorry for ME that I've messed myself up so much," to "I'm sorry for YOU that I hurt you (but I still don't see anything wrong with what I did)," to finally a more self-aware "I'm sorry for what I did because IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO, on so many levels. For me, for the pain I caused my husband, for the breaking of my vows, etc."
Wow. I had such a tough time reconciling my wife's assertion that she was remorseful for her actions with the terrible feeling I had that she had no remorse whatsoever. I now realize that it was somewhere in between. I may be mind reading, but her expressions of remorse (as I saw them) were reminiscent of stage 2. Obviously, she was not doing anything to help me stop triggering.
