I have not smoked now in 26 hours....lol. Yah, apparently there is a no-smoking clock going for 4mendmj. Made me think about triggers. Triggers for the cheater. My best guy friend at work and I always smoke together during the day and tomorrow will be the toughest day of not smoking since I will see him and want to hang out with my friend but will choose (hopefully) not to smoke. Interesting the kinds of things that I apply to my own brain and then relate them to W and her sitch with the drug addiction of an affair. Just wish she would see it. Wishing.
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
I have not smoked now in 26 hours....lol. Yah, apparently there is a no-smoking clock going for 4mendmj. Made me think about triggers. Triggers for the cheater. My best guy friend at work and I always smoke together during the day and tomorrow will be the toughest day of not smoking since I will see him and want to hang out with my friend but will choose (hopefully) not to smoke. Interesting the kinds of things that I apply to my own brain and then relate them to W and her sitch with the drug addiction of an affair. Just wish she would see it. Wishing.
Of course she won't. She will ride you for all it's worth and then some. When she sees your in stress and heart problems, she will say you need to get your health checked.
As long as you are loving and kind, she will think she is above you to be put on such a pedestal and the OM is too. Their love is special, you wouldn't understand.
Saving that link on detaching...some great advice in those posts. Trying to wrap my brain on how you detach without kicking her butt to the curb when she constantly disrespects our family due to her affair.
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
IC session today. Reading more about detaching from the above link and realizing how wonderful it sounds but how hard it will be in application. Reading some of the stuff in there calls out I am a chronic fixer and have been "trying" to save her for too long which has prevented me from moving on. Reading that detachment stuff hurts frankly. I know it is the right thing, I get that, but it means I have to "give up" on what I care for. I know I can still love the person but not let the cr8p affect me anymore but I also know it means I have to start moving forward for me and D6 and not for her too.
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
Met with IC. W does not speak about D or OW in her sessions at all. I simply cannot fathom why W is not talking about what she is doing with 95% of her time or with what she tells me is her #1 priority in the world (D6) yet spending little time with D as she has to run....still running.
46 hours now with no cigarettes. Proud I made it to IC and back without stopping as that is a stresful time. Still considering filing for D. Been 6 days now since I learned she was leaving even in the mornings to go see OW before work and it just seems so desparate to me, so drug addict pathetic. I meet with the lawyer tomorrow morning because lawyer recommended doing Ex Parte temp sole custody order if I file but I don't understand how that is going to help me when both W and I are in the home. Does that mean I get sole custody and then I have to remove D6 from our home and we both go to my folks or what? Not cheap to see the lawyer for 30 minutes but at least I have my half dozen questions written down.
I have been told I am looking for a magic bullet more than once, and it is true, I have been. But as the reality that magic bullets are not going to work sinks in, I realize I have been at this now for 140ish days of misery and I am going no-where fast. W speaks less to me now than she did 45 days ago. W comes and goes and has complete disregard for family at this stage. Seems like she is at rock bottom but I have no clue how long she can last there.
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
"Met with IC. W does not speak about D or OW in her sessions at all. I simply cannot fathom why W is not talking about what she is doing with 95% of her time or with what she tells me is her #1 priority in the world (D6) yet spending little time with D as she has to run....still running. "
Because it's not about you or your D. It's about her. She's trying to sort things out.
"I have been told I am looking for a magic bullet more than once, and it is true, I have been. But as the reality that magic bullets are not going to work sinks in, I realize I have been at this now for 140ish days of misery and I am going no-where fast. W speaks less to me now than she did 45 days ago. W comes and goes and has complete disregard for family at this stage. Seems like she is at rock bottom but I have no clue how long she can last there."
She's not at rock bottom. She hasn't lost anything yet. My W went through her journey for 3.5 years before she even started talking to me. And I mean just saying 'hello'.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Mr bond...you say she hasn't lost anything and starsky had referenced consequences too. What are your thoughts on separating checking accounts and credit cards and saying "I want to be married to only one person. When you spend our money on you and ow,I feel taken advantage of. I want to separate credit card and checking accounts so only your money is spent on your affair."
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
Is that a good enough consequence? I get that I am new and I have kept my poop in a group around w but I struggle withwhat to do when going to consequences
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
"I want to be married to only one person. When you spend our money on you and ow,I feel taken advantage of. I want to separate credit card and checking accounts so only your money is spent on your affair."
You don't say this. This is you trying to control her again. You just go ahead and do it if it's going to protect YOU. That's all.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Change your bedroom the way you would like it to be. Paint, sheets, move furniture, clothes where you like them, etc. All stuff you like without thinking of what she would like. It is your bedroom now. Not hers. She left it.
Maybe same for the bathroom, kitchen, etc. It's just a place for her to shower and change clothes not a home. And stop doing her laundry and other little things she should be doing on her own.
Like Mr. Bond said. Just do it, don't say a word. Asking is weak, doing is strong.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Made me think about triggers. Triggers for the cheater. My best guy friend at work and I always smoke together during the day and tomorrow will be the toughest day of not smoking since I will see him and want to hang out with my friend but will choose (hopefully) not to smoke. Interesting the kinds of things that I apply to my own brain and then relate them to W and her sitch with the drug addiction of an affair. Just wish she would see it. Wishing.