Can I repeat what Sandi said to me on her very first post as I believe the essence of it applies to you.
Fundamentally, she told me that I was not a WAW, although I did leave my house and go live in my holiday flat for 7 weeks to sort out my head. Essentially you like me are standing for your M. You are not wayward and have resisted the temptation to be so, as I suspect you are not ready in your life even for LRT and light dating. HP, I think you are no WAH, and it would confuse you to think of yourself like that. It is the one who is wayward, who leaves the M, who has an EA or PA who is the WAS. Merely leaving your home even for long distances is not WAH in my book.
OK you have moved for the benefit of fins and have also built a loving relationship with your own father, partly by moving to the location you have, as I recollect it was a contact of your dad that provided access to the condo?
In my eyes the most important and really outstanding achievement of HP, is the stability, love and joy you find with your son. If you read Edz sitch this is one of his outstanding achievements too. My notes tell me that you have described your son as vulnerable and sensitive in the past. Those are my notes HP not necessarily your words but that was the meaning I took from your early thread. I believe you should look with kindness on yourself for this, and having the ability to stabilise your son and provide for his schooling is vital for his wellbeing and welfare. This is not the usual stance of a WAH!
V is delighted to see this growth in HP, irrespective of any other weakness HP sees in himself. I have said this before on other threads, your S is your S for life, in due course he will be a man and a father and could ask for no better role model in life than HP.
Be kinder to yourself HP, if you can let go of the resentment that will help you a great deal. Forgiveness can come later, but I recommend to you that you free yourself of resentment.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 02/10/1505:15 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Just dropping by to check on you and S. Hope all is well with you both. Happy Valentine's Day!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
How are you doing? I hope OK. Today was a freakishly hard day for everyone. My only bright spot was getting some good advice from Wonk (she is truly amazing) and going to see a movie tonight with a friend. Oh boy- Happy Valentines to me :-(
Over the past week I've read how other good people here are hurting... new good people joining... every time I visited here it was hard to post. Even now it's hard to type. Funny after all my many long posts.
S12 and I are great. He's still mostly here with me and is happy when here. He was supposed to spend nights with his mom last weekend but didn't want to. His mom moved into her apartment today so he will spend next weekend with her. Hopefully it will go well.
The big thing that happened was last week's IC appointment with S12 and his mom. IC told me later that he was sad to go... then couldn't stop talking. He angrily laid into his mom about this sitch and how he felt about her. Their relationship is badly damaged IC says. IC feels S12 may need antidepressants. I still say I love his mom and that she loves him.
W's response to the session was to leave me a couple messages begging me to please please meet with her to show a united front for S12. I will go to the IC with S12 for as many appointments as needed. I won't meet and act united with his mom.
Over the past week she calls or texts almost everyday for something. She left a few VMs to ask to borrow my truck for a few days so she could move and so she could save on a rental car. I said no. She asked me a few times to pay her part of S12's tuition. I said no. I don't respond to many of her texts or VMs as they are repeats of questions I told her no on or things outside of S12 scheduling or her part of finances. She says I don't respond to her and she threatens to get an attorney involved even though she doesn't want to do that now. Every contact she asks me to call her. If I answer, I send a text. I'm very polite in my responses.
I saw her at last Friday's basketball game. I had not seen her for 2 weeks. She looked older. I did not say a word to her. She went and sat behind me on the bleachers. I'm not concerned about it b/c I'm filing.
I'm meeting my L on Friday about filing D. The only thing I'm afraid of is not being able to move with my son to South Florida to be near my family and friends. That's what I care about right now.
A few mornings ago, W texted me... "I'm so sorry HP." She texted me how she thinks I'm having a hard time with all this and so is she but we desperately need to talk. She's the one having a hard time... she still needs me to pay for her life. My life and my son's life are much much better being away from her for 2 months. My hard time over her is over.
So, I'm going to protect my ability to live my new life with my son as much as I can without her drama in it. She has the nerve to ask me why I don't respond to her every call and why I'm treating her "this way" after everything and me telling her a few times I'm not answering her calls. At this point, she doesn't feel like she doing anything wrong and me and S12 will just have to accept what she wants.
After the past few months... I've learned how much I should have done to be the best husband I could be for W. Yes, it would be nice to see my family together again someday.
Today, I just need to protect my future with my son.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
