Sage- You're right - our separation was all about anger and fighting (and more secondarily an OW). I don't really know how I will work on it when he and I will not have ANY contact. It only seems to be an issue when he and I spend a lot of time together, so my being able to convince him I've changed seems completely impossible. He did it once, and got burned. I very much doubt he will expose himself to the possibility of such an interaction again. Wow, I am feeling pretty hopeless right now. I still can't believe anyone thinks there might still be a chance to save my M. My hope is that while I work on the anger issues alone and don't have contact with him, he will realize that I am not the only cause of his unhappiness. But I guess he hasn't filed yet, right? *sigh* I just don't know. Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Please stop beating yourself up. You know what needs to be done. So find a way to make the change. I think the idea of contacting the abuse organization is an excellent idea. Or contact the United Way for referals.
Your talk with Dustin was good considering the circumstances. He has to be scared of the way this escalated. You have really good goals for now. Stick with them!
There really is hope!!! Hugs, Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Because of last night? The hiccup has been adressed, you've had a good chat with him, you are taking positive steps to correct the issues that brought this up. I still think he is more upset with himself allowing things to escalate. Let that feeling ease and you'll hear what is really up. He still loves you and obviously cares for you.
Quote: My hope is that while I work on the anger issues alone and don't have contact with him, he will realize that I am not the only cause of his unhappiness.
This one is out of your hands right now. You have to focus on your happiness. Take care of that wife he loves and get her back to the woman he can't live without. You know and we know you can do this.
I have been thinking about you all day, hoping you have thought about your recent events and putting them into proper perspective.
I want to ensure what I meant by "not do anything right now". In our chat, you mentioned whether you want to do this or not, whether you should file or not. This is what I meant by not doing anythig, becuase I know you are not 100% sure about anything right now in your R.
Go to your parents, take this time to think. Don't do anything right now, just think, And Don't think about the sitch, think about you.
You outlined to me and to others here on the BB the concerns you have for you. Myrrh, it is time to tackle these things will all the focus and energy you have. Make yourself the better person you know you can be. Seek whatever counseling you need, especially the anger which, IMHO, plays a huge part in this.
We love you Myrrh, and yes, we are all insane and nuts and so forth. But by some quirky fate, we have all come together to help one another. Feel free to contact me by any means when you need to Myrrh.
Huge hugs and to better days.....
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
Well, I survived today. And no calls since the "we are leaving now" one. He said I could leave a message at home telling him I got to my parents' safely, but I didn't end up doing that...it was more of an "if you want" than a "please do."
My anger is at the root of the problem, and on Monday I am going to contact Dove to see if they have any suggestions for me. But not to get Dustin back, just to prevent violence like this ever happening again between me and someone else, Dustin included.
I am giving myself this week to regroup, and then I am going to look for an apartment. I think asking Dustin if I could come home after a week will only make him angry, so I think it's time to start building a life for myself while I heal. I'm not going to file, but I am going to move forward with my life - filing taxes, getting enrolled in school for the fall, etc. I was putting S to sleep and holding him tonight, and for the first time I was able to think of having my own apartment without pain. I was actually thinking about how I would arrange it.
At this point, I feel like I could stand on my head naked and spin in the middle of his shop floor and Dustin wouldn't notice or care. So I guess that just leaves me. I have a lot of work to do on myself.
I love all of you - thank you for the support and unconditional love! Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Morning everyone. It's Day One today of going completely dark. I am going to post as much as I have to to keep myself dark, which may be a lot.
I am not really wallowing in my sitch, but obviously right now Dustin is never very far from my mind. One thing that keeps me from trying to get in touch with him is the knowledge that if I can't, all it's going to do is upset me. For all I know, this no contact thing will be a relief for him.
I am doing okay. Today I need to unload the car, sort some laundry, and wash some clothes - Saturday is my normal wash day at home, so the little guy has very little clothing for the coming week. Part of me thinks Dustin will let the no contact thing go on for a very long time, even at the expense of not seeing his son for awhile.
Anyway, I actually think I can do this this time, and I am going to work really hard at concentrating on my son and myself now, and building us our own little stable, peaceful life. You guys will probably be seeing a lot of me over the next few weeks (or months!). Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
My mother-in-law called a little bit ago. I did tell her that I will be looking for an apartment for S and I in the next couple of weeks.
Honestly, guys, I don't believe there is or should be any excuse, justification, or forgiveness for physical violence in a relationship. It goes far beyond dishonesty, hurtful words, or even blatant infidelity. I believe what I did is unforgiveable, and I believe that Dustin feels (rightly) that his only option is to end the relationship, not only for his own happiness, but for both our physical safety. I can fix my problem of anger in my own life, but I really believe it is too late for Dustin and I, and I will not stand in his way when he files these papers.
What would you guys say if I came here and posted that I told my husband it was over, and he physically attacked me? You would suggest a restraining order, calling the police, etc - and you would think me totally justified in fighting back. You would most wisely suggest that I never see him again in private, and that I seek counseling for both me and my son to ensure that my spouse wasn't being physically violent with him - "hiccup" incident or not, it was inexcusable and unforgiveable. Michelle even mentions that there a few marriages which shouldn't be saved, and she lists ones involving physical violence among those.
I signed the death warrant of my marriage when I let that fight get physical. This sucks so bad, to not even feel like I deserve to be with my husband now. Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
