Hey, it's time for a new thread! The last one ended with my canine sidekick restored to health and with Old Dog speculating that the Newcastle I was enjoying might not be the same formula as they enjoy in the old country.
The start of a new thread is always a good time to take stock. I'm resigned that I will be divorced in a couple months. And while I am theoretically open to the idea of reconciliation, I can't see it as a possibility for years down the road.
I'm good on most practical matters. The reclassification of my job that will give me enought of a raise to solidify my finances is slowly winding its way through various budget committees. Bit by bit, I'm finding solutions to various logistical problems that have arisen as a result of my basically being a single parent. D6 started taking the school bus for the first time last week - which has given me a precious extra half hour in the mornings.
Emotionally, I'm still on the rollercoaster although the dips don't last as long. I've noticed that the real "high" moments where I feel determined to take on the world, are also starting to level out somewhat into something more realistic and reasonable. I think that's a good sign.
I do give way too much headspace to the “whys” of the situation and general speculative thinking. Rationally, I know this is not going to get me anywhere, but I can’t seem to stop it yet. Maybe it’s something, much like grief, that I just have to go through. Lately, I’ve been thinking how we had finally gotten to our goal – the house we planned on living in for the next 40 years, secure jobs, kids in the school system we intend to keep them in etc. That plateau lasted for such a brief time – not even a year. And I wonder about stupid things like whether this OW knows that she isn’t the first. Not constructive - hopefully by next thread I will turn a corner on this issue.
As to STBX? Who knows what is going on in his life? He moved an hour away, so no gossip ever drifts my way about what he is up to. He has girls between 4-6 nights a month (always on school days due to his schedule) and he relentlessly entertains them the entire time he has them, it doesn’t sound like they have any quiet family time at all. This actually predates BD, I thought the girls needed to learn to be self-reliant and play without out us for at least a little bit of time each day – while he thought they needed constant arts and crafts, game playing etc. Maybe this was more of an issue with him than I realized. He claims to be his Mom’s “favorite”, and he definitely prefers his Mom to his Dad, so maybe he was trying to recreate that dynamic (He’s wrong BTW, his Mom is just as fond of his sister). I’m on excellent terms with his family (who live across the country), but I don’t know how much of his current life he shares with them. His mom is coming out next month when D6 becomes D7 (she stays with me), which should be interesting. I’m not sure when he will make the attempt to introduce her to OW. My MIL has hissed “What kind of woman could she be?”, but she loves her son (as she should) and this semi estrangement wears at her – so I’m sure she will crumble eventually.
