I think it's a pretty good read. Some things have really resonated with me. One thing he says is that most R's are inherently based on deception in that we try to show our 'best' selves to someone in order that they will like/love/marry us. In the M, we continue to do this, trying to be the best W/H etc...and inherently we suppress our own needs, and part of our own self in this process.
He says that the above is the enemy of a good marriage because it can only be sustained for so long. And if we and our S are just talking about 'practical/functional' stuff - rather than deeper hopes, desires, needs etc - ie: not our true selves, we lose intimacy. And when we lose intimacy, we start to crave it, and think that our S can't give us what we need. But because we are still trying to show them our 'best self' we may not be asking for what we need for fear of not being liked.
On reflection, I think quite a lot of this went on in our R/M as we are both 'people pleasers.' Other parts of the book I'm not getting along quite so well with, and of course it isn't aimed at your age bracket - but useful nonetheless. Have a good day! :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
