The Owl and the Pussycat

[Meredith]

Myrrh,

Oh sweetie! I could have cried when I read your posts…

I will throw myself (tragically, yet with flare) into the pile of people who see hope in this marriage.

Myrrh, let me tell you how little hope I see in my own. Barely any. Like, may as well sign the papers and end the misery. BUT…Betsey and Pam stop me from doing that because THEY see the hope. And, since I trust them, I keep on.

Now…you don’t want false hope. I understand that. What in the hell is false hope? I don’t think I would want that either. Good news, you’ll never have it. Why? It does not exist. False hope is an oxymoron. If you think the hope is false, it isn’t hope. It is you hoping for hope. Don’t hope for hope. If you yourself hope for it, then you yourself can go get it. There isn’t failure here; there is only a different ending to a wonderful story of strength.

Yes, I did have a point to this post and it was not to 2x4 you…but forgive me, my brain is fried and I haven’t been in the posting mode for a long time.

Here is what I see…the helicopter pilot. You are walking the path, and this path is new. You wore the wrong kind of shoes for this walk (maybe you never expected to get lost in a weird forest with a helicopter over your head…can’t say I blame ya), so you aren’t real comfortable with your journey. From time to time, you jump off the hard packed path onto the grass and walk on that for a while…then realize that it isn’t the path and hop back on. Cycle continues. You know what will get you to your destination, it is the path. You also know what is more comfortable on your feet, and it is not the path. What a dilemma.

At my brother-in-law’s funeral last week, during the eulogy actually, his brother looked at my sister and said:

“Melanie, I am so sorry for your loss. If I could offer you any advice it would be not to focus on the pain that you feel right now but instead focus on making the outcome of this tragedy something positive for your future. Eventually the pain will leave the present and become your past, so please don’t concentrate too hard on something that has to pass”.

I thought that those were very well spoken and honest words. He’s saying, try to ignore the pain your feet are feeling from this wretched path because the place the path leads you to is worth it. I’m writing this to both you AND me right now…so please don’t feel judged.

Myrrh, I know it hurts, and I know it is hard, and I know that hope is very well disguised right now. But…from what you post I know that you love your husband and your husband loves you. 180 the hell out of him and yourself. Get to counseling, for yourself. And trust yourself to do this.

I’ll tell you honestly, I haven’t focused one bit on DBing this past week. I have had my focus on what I considered more important than the schmuck who took a family leave a year ago and is happily (HAPPILY, mind you) living an hour away from his wife and child. But, as soon as I dropped my DB rope I automatically picked up the old one that I used to carry around. Not a good scenario for anyone involved…

Life does not have an undo button. But, you’re young! You’ve got time! You’ve got strength! You’ve got the tools you need!

You can 2x4 me back if you wish…but I really don’t think you can give up this fight yet. You still feel too much. You’re not ready. Go get ‘em, Tiger…