The awakening of me Part 3

[mleigh4]

Job - I am loving my H free home. Don't laugh, but I even ordered some sandalwood incense to "cleanse" the house of negative energy. I didn't realize how much I myself need this time and space. I have S 95% of the time, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I feel sometimes like I am shorting myself, being too available to have S all the time and not really being able to have much girl time or alone time , but I also feel like my S needs me right now. It wouldn't feel right to push leaving him off with H when I see he is still adjusting.

Caliguy - thank you for your compliments. I myself am amazed at how I have learned to not react on emotions. It has had a wonderful positive effect on my life and in how I feel overall. You are by Legoland!!?? I would be broke if I was. This will be our 3rd trip, S absolutely loves it. The hotel itself is a blast. Hey! If you get a wild hair, grab S and join us!

Vg1 - sometimes I wonder if I am too nice, considering all we have been through. But it's me, it's being true to myself. I know when I look back, I prefer to see myself in a good light. Believe me, there has been a lot of anger, but it never fails to make me feel worse. I hope he doesn't take advantage of my niceness, but I care too much about how S sees me and who I see when I look in the mirror. I will be careful

So updating. Things are going good at work. I stepped down from a higher position for less money when I had S and have been reluctant to change that. I am a hard worker and have been encouraged by management to step back up but have always resisted. Well, we have a coworker retiring this summer and concerns on how to replace the position. I have let management know I am ready to step up to the plate and do whatever I can to keep our office running smooth they are aware of my situation and know I am mainly responsible for S, and I let them know that he has to be a part of the equation. So, we will see where that goes, pretty excited

Got our couches and love them. Today was V Day. Ugh, I am so glad it is over. However, I went into this day reminding myself that I am surrounded by love, I don't need a mans love to be important! But the day still stank. S and I had gotten a tin together filled with brownies we made, cookies and a giant Reese's, H favorite. I in return got nothing. I have to admit, I wasn't expecting that. Even last year he got me flowers, said it didn't feel right not to. I guess that has changed. So he came over to pick up S for the day and got his tin of goodies. I thought, oh maybe he wants to take S to pick out some flowers. No, still nothing when he dropped S off, but he mentioned how good the Reese's was! But you know what? I don't regret giving him something because it was a simple, loving and thoughtful gift from S and I, and at least 1 of us is being a good example for S! It feels good and ya, that's how I roll!

Overall, I am feeling good, but the last couple of days I am feeling anxious and not sleeping well. It may be Vday, maybe the upcoming trip, but I think once I am away I will feel better. I think the time away from it all is needed!