Mighty, I totally understand what you are feeling. I get it. I really do. You believed his words because you wanted to so badly.
I understand the feelings you are having. They are valid. They are real. You feel how you do.
The only thing you have control over is what you do with them.
You were blindsided again. Thats a hard thing. He wasnt done yet, sweetie.
The thing is that what you need to try to control is your thought patterns. You want to understand why and that isnt possible because you arent in crisis.
He said what he did because he was scared and confused. He panicked over the new baby being his. He panicked over what your son was going through. And for a brief few moments, he wanted security. He thought that was going to make him feel better. It didnt because he is still broken.
You are going round and round trying to see why he picked her. No one knows why he made this choice now, mostly he doesnt. I am sure the new baby had a lot to do with it.
The truth is that it doesnt matter. It really doesnt. It has to do with him.
What you need to do is accept that he is still in the tunnel. As long as he is, there is no rhyme or reason to his actions. There just isnt.
So letting go of wanting things to be different is important. They cant be right now.
He chose what he did. It [censored] how he did it. You cant undo it or understand it.
No amount of worrying about it, trying to figure it out, or going round and round is going to change what is.
You need to dig deep and find your footing.
Get angry if you need to as long as you dont live there.
