The Owl and the Pussycat

[Lyrael]

Hi, guys - I can't believe you all really think there is hope...I just can't see it right now.

Here is what I am doing today. I am packing up some clothes, and heading to my parents' house for a few days. I see him filing this week - and I don't see him wanting to do counseling. But...I will get counseling for myself (btw, Dazed, I DID start the physical contact - he was really just defending himself).

I know he really loves me...but I don't see him coming out of his cave any time soon - as far as I know he plans to live at the shop. Although, with me not here, that would be kind of silly, I think. I just don't think he wants me in his life right now.

Wow, I am hurting too much today to do much of anything definitive. I am going to my parents to clear my head, to not be alone in this house, and to hopefully be better able to give Dustin the space he needs. It would be an incredible miracle if he didn't file. I just can't see it right now.

But I am going to keep on keeping on. I spoke to him at about 4am last night - I shouldn't have called him, but I was worried about him doing something dumb. He was fine, and said he just needed some time before he and I could talk -I would guess that means about the D. Keep in mind that the letter was written before the physical confrontation, so it may not mean as much now.

I left a message on his answering machine that Rhane and I were leaving today, and what the number was. I am going to do my best to not contact him again unless he initiates. If this is going to happen, it is going to have to be all on his initiative - I am done pushing either way.

I don't know what to do about the legal end of things right now. I am a little worried about support and the like, but I am hoping things will become somewhat clearer over the next week or so. I told him I would be moving my things into my parents' storage unit for now, until I figured out where to live.

I still can't believe you guys think there is still hope for this broken, painful marriage. I think he is done. But I guess only time will tell, and I will get through this as best as I can.
Hugs and thank you,
Myrrh