barely holding on - 7

[u-turn]

As I was getting ready to leave for a couple hours this morning, nowhere really to go, just getting out of dodge, she asks me to talk again.

I ask what she wants.
She says she wants normal conversation. Not the silence that I have been giving her. How about hello? (I always say hello when she comes home and go to her to say goodbye when I leave in the morning). She said that's all she wants.

I rant a little - "I would like nothing more than NORMAL, but that is not really possible right now. I will not pretend like this is not happening."

She asks me if this is about her going out for drinks after work yesterday (I didn't know she was there).

I continue "It has nothing to do with yesterday and is not a reaction to anything in particular. This is about you continuing your affair."

W - we are going to revisit this again? (she was completely trying to dismiss this as me dragging up old issues).

"No W. you and I both know that you are lying and continuing your affair. You are still sending each other messages and more. You are continuing to seek your emotional needs to be met by another man."

She said - You will never trust me.

She didn't say any more than this - she just stared

Me - "Blind trust has not worked for us so far. You have continued to lie to me. I need more than this if you want it to work for us.

You can be certain that I am willing to do all it takes to work on my end of the problems with our M. But I need to know that you are committed.

Why do I need to prove myself to you?"
---
I was never angry - and probably said too much again but I did want her to know that she was hiding nothing from me and that I am done playing this game.

Our conversation was basically over as she was done talking and S17 got up and walked in.

I think I want to finish this conversation tonight.

HAPPY V DAY EVERYONE - bleh