The violin strings have been plucked and are now broken. Yes, you come here for support and understanding, however, the bottom line is this...the only person that can help you is yourself. From where I'm sitting, you aren't doing that because you aren't listening to what we have told you about this forum and your personal matters when it comes to doing your job that you are getting paid to do. Your job has to have your entire focus when you are doing it. This applies to any job that you are getting paid to do. You've been given the final warning yesterday and the next time, you'll be receiving your pink slip and out the door you will go. What are you going to do then? File for unemployment? I don't know about NY, but here, you don't get unemployment right away when you are fired.
From where I am sitting, you've been given every opportunity to straighten up, get your act together and improve. They even extended your probation to give you a little bit more time to get it together. Possibly in another office, you would have gotten your walking papers within the first 30-60 days for unacceptable performance. The publisher and the paper have been good to you. They paid your relocation expenses to move there, they allowed you a day off during the week and the opportunity to work home, as well as allowing you to bring your daughter to work. Now, it is time to show them that you can do this job, as well as prove to yourself that you can do it. Why else did you take it if you didn't think you could do it?
Heather, I want you to get angry, I want you to get so angry that you can spit because it appears that is the only way that you will focus on what is at hand...your work. Yes, get angry at me for being honest w/you. I'm not going to sugar coat any more of my support and understanding. You have to stop blaming others for what is going on in your life. You are the only one that has control over your life.
Some of your financial situation is of your own making and you can't put all of your eggs into one basket. You need to check with the banking institutions in your area to see if they offer free seminars on budgeting. You need to be on a budget so that you know what you have coming in and going out each month. I do understand that you and your daughter need to get out every once in a while...but you don't go out and blow $100 when you have bills that need to be paid. Pay them first and then take some money and go to a movie, pizza or even an activity in that area.
BTW, when you go to church, check out the activities that they offer and start going to some. People will be more willing to help you if you started reaching out a bit. Have you met your neighbors? This is a good start since people are shoveling their driveways, etc.
Check out a support group called Parents Without Partners. This is an excellent support group that have some of the same issues that you are dealing with. Go to some alanon meetings. Please do not say you don't have time to go because you spend a lot of time here that could be utilized in attending some of the meetings. "Real time" support would be of a great help to you. You need some human contact so that you can actually get the support and help you need.
So now, you can say "up yours" to me too. Again, the only person that can help you is yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take back control over your life. Surely, we all can't be wrong in the advice we have given you.
