To translate those big goals into small action steps for today: 1) Make the phone call this afternoon and every other interaction with H kind and pleasant. 2) Do some of what Flylady calls "crisis cleaning" tonight - even 45 minutes will help! 3) Ask for the paperwork I need for childcare assistance, and reiterate that I need him to take Rhane to daycare tomorrow morning.
I will report back with the progress of my mission later! Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Remeber, men are not mind readers and we are often accused of being dolts and forgetful. Not because we want to, are intentionally doing so, or are disrespecting your wishes. Rather, we just don't realize how important it is to you. I know I have the utmost desire to support my W and make sure she feels loved, I sense he does too.
At work it is different. We are in our comfort zone where everyone speaks male and our language. At home, we are in a bit of foreign territory where we understand the local language, but the dialect is confusing. Maybe he just doesn't understand how important it is to you? Has he read 5LL? Maybe you guys can openly discuss how you feel loved and the light might come on?
Well, here's an update for any who are interested...and those who aren't - well, here it is anyway!!! As far as goals from yesterday go...all our interactions yesterday were pretty pleasant - Dustin continues to come home early from work, but I think that's because he was playing a PS2 game at home, which he finished last night, so we'll see now.
I did my 45 minutes of crisis cleaning last night, and made quite a dent in the living room, and the bathroom is now completely picked up. The kitchen still looks like hell, but at least I started.
He remembered this morning that he was supposed to take S to daycare, so that was nice, although I was somewhat grouchy this morning...which was just idiotic - he did what I asked and let me sleep the last two nights instead of waking me up for . Now I miss the , and I am afraid we won't do that anymore! I just wanted to do it earlier! That'll teach me to open my mouth...be careful what you wish for.
I guess for me pmsing I am not doing terribly, but I am just so afraid I am driving him away, and I am not sure right now what I can do for damage control. I think I really hurt his feelings with my tirade the other morning, and I feel really bad about that.
Goals for today: 1) Every interaction kind and pleasant - including once he gets home and in the morning before I come to work! 2) Get the CCRS ppwk from him and give him a call so we can do the pay-by-phone for a bill that's due. Be extremely grateful for his help in dropping Rhane off and with the financial stuff. 3) Do more crisis cleaning this evening!!! It seemed to work really well.
I think I need to mentally prepare myself for more distancing. I think he may stay at work really late tonight, and may not initiate for a while. I am not being negative, but I need to think about those possibilities so I am not hurt and irritable if they happen. I need to remind myself...I have time to make this work. All I can give is my best effort. I need to concentrate on myself, or I won't be able to help with anyone else's (H's) needs.
We did have a really good time playing a PS2 game together last night - he bought us one at Walmart the other night. Oh, and we finally have the money to file for bankruptcy, so we will be getting a financial fresh start soon! I think he is really happy and relieved about that.
Is piecing supposed to be this hard? Just need someone to tell me this hard work is worth it, or will be eventually... Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
You sound as though you're doing great for the most part. You wrote about your dad: I learned growing up that it was excruciating to wait for the next time my dad would get angry, and I felt like I had to constantly monitor and help adjust his mood.
Whoa -- your dad and my mom were the same person! I think dh and I never fought because I was too afraid to ever make him angry with me. I tried to make everything smooth and never have any angry thoughts come toward me from him. Now I'm paying the price, however.
What does your h say or do when you ask for household help? Mine isn't living with me right now, but stays at our house on Sat & Sun nights with our girls while I go elsewhere. If I don't ask him specifically to do things, he does only the dishes. If I ask him to do laundry or something he usually does it. I've spent the past 8 years feeling resentful, thinking that I shouldn't have to ask him to do things around the house and being angry that he doesn't notice what needs doing. Maybe I should have just asked and been done with it. Sigh....
I'm sorry that today is such a hairy day here at work and not a good one for a chat. Here's my hug (((Myrrh)))
Piecing IS hard. So don't kid yourself and think otherwise. Just wait for Mr. Not-So to come home, and I'll be jumping in this pool with you.
So, what are the goals you have for yourself? No flylady stuff either. It would be great if the list includes things that you enjoy doing. Got that concept?
I want to make a few more posts before I have to crack the whip on myself again.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
PIB - Was it hard in the beginning? Sometimes things are absolutely wonderful with him, but sometimes we hit major snags...has it been easy for you and your H from the beginning?
Ooh, FFX...we may have to check that one out! We are finishing up Baldur's gate - probably tonight. I like it. Thanks for the owrds of encouragment! Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Quote: I learned growing up that it was excruciating to wait for the next time my dad would get angry, and I felt like I had to constantly monitor and help adjust his mood.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I actually found a word to describe this constant monitoring of the environment (I still do this most of the time). It's called hypervigilance - I need to do some reading on it, I think.
Maybe I should have just asked and been done with it. Sigh....
The whole asking thing is necessary, I think - the Mars and Venus books do a really good job of eplaining why...maybe I should read them again! Thanks for your input, Mt2! I will have to come visit your place sometime soon! Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Bets- You never fail to throw me for a loop! Stuff I enjoy? Well, heck...I guess I haven't gone to the library in a while.
Maybe I should schedule another lunch date with my friend M for Saturday! Okay - I just left her a message, so that goal for today is met.
I really want to go to the library tonight, so I will take the munchkin and away we'll go...
I also need to figure something out for exercise - it made me feel really good about myself to work out, and my buns would thank me! I'll do some checking. Hmm...going to have to think more about this...wow, enjoyment! What a concept! Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
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