You know, I really loved my STBX. And I think I love him still and that's why I am so disappointed at how he treats the kids. But when I look backward, I just see ways in which he wasn't engaged. Like during a time that was pretty good in our marriage, before kids, when his parents were coming up to visit a few months after we left their area and I was thinking of all these fun things to do, and he was just nodding and saying "sounds great, thanks for doing that." Or how hard it was to ever get him to plan a vacation or to plan anything at all. I'd suggest doing X and he'd say things like "But I don't know where to park the car for that." And how when I was about to leave for four days (10 hour road trip by myself) to do some work on my graduate thesis, and he didn't bother waking up to say goodbye to me before I left. (He did this to D11 last weekend too when I took her on an early outing on his weekend).
I anticipate someone is going to ask me what made a period of our marriage good and I *think* I would say that it was a period when we didn't have any significant disruptors happening and nothing to fight over and life was calm so it was easier to enjoy our time together. But I would NEVER say that it was because we were doing interesting things, having a lot of FUN, never a time when I felt cherished, supported, or safe. Our best times were just when I was feeling content.
Loving him and having memories of a good marriage to hold on to are very different for me and it worries me a bit.
Last edited by Maybell; 02/14/1501:21 PM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
