Myrrh, Hi, good goals! How are you doing with them?
This post DOES make sense! I can totally relate! Success, getting along, feeling happy, feeling love, etc. are really really scary!!! You & I have some similar issues from the past in that we could never please our dads. One day one thing would work, the next day it wouldn't. So, could it be that if we find something that works w/our h's one day, we are afraid it won't work the next?
I think that if I found something that worked w/my dad, I would let my guard down again thinking that it was safe. Then WHAMMO! he's upset and I'm a turd again!!! Do this over and over and over for several years and what do you get??? We NEVER feel safe!! We think that if we put our hearts on our sleeves w/our h's that they will turn around and smoosh 'em!
I am ALWAYS expecting the worst. But, ya know what happens when you EXPECT the worst? You GET the worst! Dr. Phil-"what you fear is what you create."
Since you are so afraid of success/yet want things to be perfect, would it help you to do what I do? Try not to have a goal of having a "10" night, but just focus on having a nice, pleasant, "6" of a night. That way I am not putting too much pressure on myself, still expecting positive rather than negative, and not setting h up for failure. It works EVERY time!!! The nights end up being 9's, 10's, and sometimes 15's!!!
I think it is important to set small goals for ourselves b/c if we get too happy too fast, we freak out. Is that how you feel? When I start to feel happy, confident in myself, and really loving h unconditionally is when I scare the piss out of myself. It doesn't make sense to other people b/c they think, "well, why wouldn't you want to be happy?" "well...let me tell you why..." is how we feel.
Are you spiritual/religious at all? How is your faith in God?
hope you have a good weekend! It's thunderstorming on the snow right now here. Kind of a strange combination!
