The Owl and the Pussycat

[Lyrael]

Betsey -
I missed you guys, too! Well, as I let you know off-BB, H and I had a small tiff last night. It involved the junk in the trunk statement (not made by him!), and me misunderstanding him completely. (I am pretty sure he doesn't think I have an outrageously big butt!!!) Anyway, I am really sensitive about a few of my physical features - my rear, my ears, and my big feet. And I react very defensively when I feel they may be under attack - the conversation reached a point where he said (haven't heard this in a long time) "it doesn't matter what I say to you! I can't talk to you!"

What I said to him was "I really don't want to fight about who is right and who is wrong - I was just letting you know that what you said hurt my feelings, and I felt like you didn't care about that - just about being right." We figured it out eventually, but here is what I would have wanted to do differently:
1) Let him know that the random comment from a total stranger really hurt my feelings, so he had something to validate. When I told him the story, I presented it to him as amusing rather than something that hurt me, so I don't think he knew how to respond.
2) Not get so damn defensive! He loves me, all of me, and I would do well to remember that when the conversation gets tense!

Anyway, I set some goals while I was waiting for my 800th load of laundry to get done, and they are as follows:
1) Try to listen to what sounds like criticism from H and see if I can pick out the "clues" as to what I could be doing better.
2) Keep trying to Fly with Flylady! Baby steps, baby steps!!!
3) Overall maintain a gentle, caring, positive demeanor in every interaction with H.
4) Keep the phone turning into a pumpkin!
There they are - I will let you know how they go!
Hugs,
Myrrh