Anybody can answer this, but Betsey, if you're around... Can you remember good times from your marriage? Times when things worked really well?
When I think about the past with her, it's almost all I think about. Inexplicably, I have regular flashes of a vacation in California a few years ago. I see us looking at the ocean, driving on the coast, walking around LA or San Francisco, a delicious meal at a Japanese restaurant or a fabulous pizzeria. I think of our engagement in Hawaii too (on the beach! she was so happy...). I think of a holiday in Spain that was less successful, just as we were piecing after we came so close to breaking up in 2009. I think of all the ways in which she told me we were together forever. How she'd tell me she was afraid I'd die, the look in her eyes when we got married, the yellow dress she wore...
OK, I'll stop here because I'm welling up, but you get the point. I'm not even making efforts and in fact I wish my brain would stop thinking about her this way. Usually, I'm allergic to thoughts of bad times but I attribute it to my state of denial, i.e. I don't want to admit that S might be a reasonable idea. Your focus on the hard times might be a sign that you're truly moving on.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
