The Owl and the Pussycat

[Lyrael]

I really feel like I am fighting some serious internal battles here. The quiet continues, even after a somewhat intense discussion today about a mistake I feel I made. Quiet is eerie and creepy sometimes.

I absolutely love and am in love with my husband. The relationship he and I are building in some ways doesn't even resemble our old one. The biggest difference is :we don't fight all the time!!!! Sometimes being respectful and kind feels a tad artificial (I know that makes me sound terrible), but it seems to work better than my former strategy of express everything and express it loudly! I have also been working on some of the issues that concerned the H about me - giving him privacy (aka snooping), giving him space, being independent. All those are scary for me, and truthfully, SUCCESS scares the hell out of me! I am afraid that the other shoe will drop, that not only will I fall off the no crazymaking wagon - I'll lose sight of it entirely, that he'll leave me.

These fears are there - and they are the most difficult thing about having him home. The ultimate goal is to make my marriage the best it can be, and sometimes that's overwhelming.

I know this post makes no sense...I guess I just needed to ramble for a bit.
Hugs to all,
Myrrh