June, don't give up on yourself! You may have to let go of the rope more though to save your own sanity. When substance abuse is involved I think It multiplies the complications of a situation.
Force yourself to focus on getting out of the house. Even if you do it alone, it's better than doing nothing.
IMO I would not give him money to move out.
Find something to do that you like and do it asap!
You are important!
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Hi June, Apologies I haven't caught up on your thread in awhile!
First off - don't give up! What do you feel like giving up on?
I know it's really hard and it's awful being stuck in limbo but it hasn't been that long, give it some time.
In the meantime, do you have anyone else you can talk to? I know it's really hard not being able to talk to your H about yourself (I feel like that too). I've found it really helps being able to speak to other people about your feelings, have you considered counselling? It's really nice having someone who will just sit and listen to you without judgment.
Originally Posted By: June315
I have been "off" in the past several days. Just survived my 14th anniversary by having dinner alone. He called and texted but I ignored him. He then sent me pictures of my dogs waiting by the front door. I texted back said be home in 1/2 hour. We did not say much when I got back but he did not seem upset.
Sorry, I know I'm late on this but I know you said before you H complained you were too independent, so I'm wondering if ignoring his calls and texts were the right way to go here. You also mentioned him offering to drive you and you said no. I don't know if others will disagree, but I think since in these instances he's been reaching out to you and offering, it's not pursuing and you could take him up on his offers. Especially since he's said you were too independent, it might help him to see that you are willing to accept his help.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
What if one of the reasons your spouse is leaving you is because he wants kids and you do not. And now it is too late for you to have kids. So DB and GAL will be just for you to move on without your spouse, right? There is no fixing the marriage.
Originally Posted By: Cadet
What about adopting?
After reading what is going on above this post I really wonder what you are getting out of the marriage?
Having kids is not going to magically make him change and quit drugs?
He has got some serious problems and he should be thrilled to have YOU!
I have fear of being a mother. Long story short - I was physically abused by my mother so I always know i don't want to be like her. meaning, hating my own kid or not loved by them. So that led to never want to have kids. My husband knew this early on but I guess deep down he always thought he could change my mind. I was never open for discussion on this topic. Plus, I never trust him enough.
Adoption will give me the same fear. I did think that if his 1st wife died, I would adopt his kids.
His kids are adults. They dont need to be adopted.
It is pathetic that he is also my closest friend. I feel really lost without him. He said today he wants me to be happy but he knows he is not the one that can make me happy.
I'm not sure what I get out of this marriage really. But he sees all my flaws and craziness and accepted them for many years. And I accept his. I must admit, one of my resistance is due to the fact that I am afraid to be alone. He did love me for a long time and that made me feel "normal". Like I can blend in with people without anyone notices that I'm so off.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
You're definitely right, Cadet. I can only control me. The best way to describe me being "off" is that I feel like Dexter. Not that I'm a serial killer but I'm so dark and empty inside. I feel I have to act a certain ways and hide myself when I'm around people all the time. So I never let anyone in in the crazy little head and I never let my emotions out, except with my H. People at work never see my happy or very angry. I am good at my job, taking care of people.
I do want to fix me, at times I am trying. I went to lunch with a colleague yesterday. I had done that may be 2-3 times before in 8 1/2 years at this job. It was so unusual that even my administrator was wondering who I went out with and why.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
