A quick whimper of pain and a question for the forum.
The pain- it's dulled down, but there are moments where my stomach drops out. Tonight my D7 made a comment about "mom's friend ____", that of course was OM. I don't know if OM is hanging out at the house, or if STBX has just mentioned him. D7 of course wasn't aware of this, but it was real blow to hear it coming from her. And while the M is a burning heap of rubble and when I see what choices STBX has made, it still stings when those decisions and the consequences are echoed through reminders like this.
V-day is like that too. But just little things. Last night I read a book where the author was talking about how his child's mannerism's reminded him of their mother, and how loving and special that was. He talked about how after so many years you just know someone in ways you can't describe. When I read this my heart sank. So many of these most precious parts of life have been taken away. It just chafes.
Had to get that out as my friends probably don't want to hear it or understand, but I'm sure most of you do. I just don't understand why we humans can't get along better so much of the time.
Then the question- what is the harm with a rebound R? I say this both for the WAS and the LBS.
Here's what I mean. I KNOW I am not dating for a number of reasons. 1) I'm married and I have to act according to my beliefs regardless of what anyone else does. 2) I need some time to grieve and grow, and medicating would interfere with that. And 3) it wouldn't be fair to the person I was with as I am not certain what I'd do if I was in a new R and STBX came out of her fog. I can't be with someone new until I can make THEM a commitment.
But let's zoom in on #2. What harm would really come out of a rebound? This is on my mind because I see my STBX, and she seems to be so comforted by her new guy, and how great his heart is, and how free she is to not be with me, etc. She has someone to hold her, to validate her, to watch movies with.
I guess I'm looking for a little validation that the suffering that I'm enduring without medication is somehow going to pay off, because right now it just seems like needless torment. Particularly when there are not only no signs of a possible R, but there are all the signs it is over. Again, I know I couldn't date anyone else anyway right now, but tell me more about how this will have a happy ending for me.
I could use the pep talk. Thanks. And happy Friday the 13th and V-day. Probably no surprise they fall on the same weekend
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
