Wife Walked Away 10 Weeks Ago

[Bob723]

Hi AJ and Everyone!

AJ, I decided it was not a good idea to have flowers sent to my wife.

I haven't been logged into the forum much lately and keep forgetting to answer about what AJ just asked (others have asked, too):

"How did you break her heart? THAT is the type of information we need to best advise you. Otherwise we are in the dark about what the "real" problems are, to HER."

I broke my wife's heart as follows (in the last year or so):

1. When she tried to share her heart with me, I would respond either defensively or in anger.

2. I became critical of her.

3. My wife felt I was smothering her. I worried too much about her driving when not feeling well (again, she has MS).

4. I started making more and more household decisions without considering my wife's opinion.

5. I broke my promise to her not to bring up an incident that happened in 2009 (she walked out on me then, but did not file for divorce.)

6. I became very self-absorbed.

7. At times, I was angry, harsh or mean with my words to her.

8. My wife suggested several times I speak with a therapist because I was under tremendous stress. Deep down, I thought she was on to something, but I felt I could handle it on my own. BIG mistake!

How am I working on myself?

The very week she left, I started going to counseling twice a week, and still do. I made an appoinment with a pyschiatrist and was diagnosed with a mild anxiety disorder. He prescribed a few mild meds and I take them daily as prescribed. I feel like my head is much clearer - except for the fact I miss my lovely wife.

I also attend a divorce support group at a local church.

I have volunteered serveral times to assist "Feed My Starving Children." It is a great organization and makes me feel so good helping others without expecting anything in return.

I used to play/coach ice hockey. I have started skating again and have placed my name on a coaching waiting list at a local rink.

I rarely contact my wife. When I do, I try to be humorous and not discuss our issues or the future. If she gets upset about something I always do my best to "take the high road."

I meditate daily and have dsicovered that it really helps me focus on thinking positive, rather than negative thoughts.

If there's a genuine reason to compliment my wife, I do. I don't think I overdo it, making it look like a measure to win her love back. (I used to compliment her often during our marraige, too.)

I admit I'm tired now -- I'm probably forgetting something.

I'll be online again soon.

Take care all -- this forum is a place filled with so much love and support!

Thank you all so much.

Bob