They say that we see our fathers in our husbands. That is definitely true for me. Is there a chance that you are expecting your H to take on the feelings of your dad? Maybe that is why you can’t handle calm and crazymake. Trying to beat him to the punch…because you are afraid of being abused again (although your husband wouldn’t do that to you).
You hit the nail on the head, Mer. I think this is the root of a lot of the probs on my end with Dustin. I learned growing up that it was excruciating to wait for the next time my dad would get angry, and I felt like I had to constantly monitor and help adjust his mood. I understand anger and abuse. It's harder for me to understand love, trust, and caring. I tend to be somewhat suspicious of it.
If you can now recognize the problems with your dad and bring those to the surface, maybe you can slay that demon once and for all, and trust that D won’t treat you that way…and thus letting go of that resentment toward him.
I think you're right again, Mer. Already, just recognizing the source and substance of my resentment is refocusing the feelings on my dad and my relationship with him where they belong. One of my biggest issues is displacin gor ignoring feelings that are scary - and these feelings are scary!
Another opportunity I see here for you is to allow D to really witness your changes. Let him in, Myrrh. Talk to him rationally about what you are going through. Show him how strong you have become, and how open you can be with your feelings – without crazymaking, playing the martyr, blaming him, getting irritable or whatever else bothers him about your emotions. In turn, you will show yourself how strong you are.
This already started a little last night. I told him that I was sad, and why, while we were logged onto the computer and he said "why didn't you tell me?" I told him I just talked to my mother, and said that since I had called a few times, I didn't want to call him again. He said "You can call me." And I said, well, I really don't want to be crabby or anything - I think I just need some time to be sad. He was really sweet about that, and really snuggly when he came home. He didn't seem surprised by the way I handled it, but maybe as he sees I really am not going to flip out abou
this...
My thoughts and prayers are with you, and please email me if you need to talk!
I was going to e-mail you yesterday, and somehow I forgot...I might have to do that later today. Thanks, Mer and Betsey for the hugs and words of encouragement. I may need more as Mom and Dad go farther into the process. But I will be okay. Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
