Please don't apologize for getting your feelings out. If not here, where? And since you stated your emotions so well and how they affect your home life with D, this is even more true.
Some people go through their whole lives trying to win a parent's approval. I think it's awfully sad that a parent won't give it unconditionally... Soupman had some really good thoughts on this very subject awhile back. It boils down to this: being rejected isn't a reflection of you, but a reflection of what is in their heart.
Myrrh, I believe with all my heart that you were and are good enough. Just because he holds you, your mom and everyone else to a different standard doesn't mean that you are less than. Ergo, you didn't deserve to be abused.
I think Mer's idea to let Dustin in would really help the cause. You could share your feelings, fears and insecurities with him--and he could comfort you. Plus I think knowing that he isn't the source of your anxiety right now might really help D in his efforts as well.
Keep smiling, chickie.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
