The Owl and the Pussycat

[Meredith]

Oh Myrrh, I am so sorry to hear your family’s news.

No matter what the situation, divorce is a sad thing for families. There is no shame in feeling sadness, and I am glad you can see that!

I’m going to jump out on a limb here…but is there a chance that this could help you in your DBing? I’ll explain.

They say that we see our fathers in our husbands. That is definitely true for me. Is there a chance that you are expecting your H to take on the feelings of your dad? Maybe that is why you can’t handle calm and crazymake. Trying to beat him to the punch…because you are afraid of being abused again (although your husband wouldn’t do that to you). If you can now recognize the problems with your dad and bring those to the surface, maybe you can slay that demon once and for all, and trust that D won’t treat you that way…and thus letting go of that resentment toward him.

Another opportunity I see here for you is to allow D to really witness your changes. Let him in, Myrrh. Talk to him rationally about what you are going through. Show him how strong you have become, and how open you can be with your feelings – without crazymaking, playing the martyr, blaming him, getting irritable or whatever else bothers him about your emotions. In turn, you will show yourself how strong you are.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, and please email me if you need to talk!