The Owl and the Pussycat

[Underdog]

Myrrh,

Messenger has been down all day long! I am feeling bereft and cut off from the rest of the universe...

You can differentiate between agreeing with him and validating him. Our buddy Harville has some really excellent advice in this in the last half of the book... so don't fear.

It's actually really difficult. And then he says you have to empathize with the person, which I know is hard when he's bought something useless and you need food on the table.

A really good friend of mine had a classic example of this very issue--and Mr. W. and the rest our friends (and I) both felt that this sitch had the potential to break up their marriage.

These friends of ours are lovely people. After working outside the home for a zillion years, she finally got the chance to stay home and be the softball/baseball/soccer mom and chauffeur. He worked hard and had a penchant for remodeling Mustangs (he still does). However, since he was a kid, he had dreamed of owning a Pantera.

One day he drained one of his bundles of stock (their nest egg) and went out and bought one. He was completely surprised that she was pissed! However, she had a different tact that I always admired (as did the rest of their friends). Once she got her anger out, she never addressed it again. The Pantera sat in their garage for 4 years, because he couldn't afford to license it AND insure it... and when they moved to a beautiful new house (uh, mansion), she suggested he sell it. He surprised her by agreeing. He then sold it at a $20K loss.

She could have held it over his head for an eternity, but decided to forgive him for it. She's smart enough to know that he would take care of her and the kids, and he did. He maxed out in his stock options and retired at the age of 42... and now restores Mustangs for his hobby and living.

They're the happiest married people I know...

Lessons for all of us are all around the place!

So take heart and know that you're not alone.

Bets