W still having PA with OP

[twinmom]

So what would happen if when W came home you left? Even though W wants to go workout and leave you with the responsibilities of being a parent......... why don't you try planning something and when she gets home say "so glad you're here, a friend called with a last minute invite see ya later" and don't wait for her to respond just grab your coat and walk out the door.....

Changes the dynamics a bit to where you are in control of your evening and putting yourself in a better PMA...

[Train]

twin!!!!!! You're on a ROLL! I LOVE it!

[twinmom]

twin!!!!!! You're on a ROLL! I LOVE it!

Yea well I sent H an email today..... The letter from Pearl that Starsky posted with some modifications...... feeling pretty on top of the world, I can do this right now....

[4mendmj]

Damnit starsky...I love/hate you man :-) keep keeping me real. Twinmom...I dig it...never done that....ever. it would be aHuge 180 for me...huge! I always communicate ahead of time what I'm doing if I was even doing something where as she blows out the door any old time. Totally doing that Monday when I know she will want to role to workout :-) great one twin...Thanks

[Ontheup]

I know it's hard but don't read into anything your wife does for you right now. My wife is the same. Still best buddies wanting to talk and open up to me. She was annoyed last night because I was a bit aloof before we all went ice skating. She was annoyed I didn't ask about her first councilling session. She then proceeded to tell me all about it. Why? I know today she will be off with OM. She's just keeping my plate spinning. I think she would do it for ever or until she decides what she wants. Me and family or fantasy land OM.
As for divorce, me personally I won't be initiating it. My friend got divorced very quickly after seperation and they now wish they were back together. Can't as both with other people. I don't think it should be used as a tool to scare your wife. If she calls you out on it then you'll have to follow through. Making decisions while emotions are so high is generally a mistake. I read an article somewhere yesterday about questions you need to ask yourself before filing. Basically saying "have you done everything? Are you done" from what I readon your posts your not. Be prepared for it though.

[4mendmj]

Ontheup, thank you. Am I done? No. Have I been doing this for six months already? Yes, and that [censored]. I am not asking for me enough though and some of the ideas I've got in the last few days are very helpful. The leaving in the morning though before work is a new low for me. Knowing w leaves to be with ow is such a stab to D6 in my mind. It hurts. She was out the door again this morning bringing me back to reality.

Does anyone else here wonder how the heck the waw can even do that to their own children?

[Ontheup]

because they will lie cheat steal beg borrow do absolutely anything to be with that other person just like a drug addict would to get their drugs. That's how you have to look at them and they do not care who gets in their way.
My wife disappeared out the door this morning saying she will be working late today whilst taking our D8 to school. She thinks i'm bloody stupid. I knew full well she had OM VD gifts in her bag along with her new underwear on that she tried hiding from me this morning. When I step back from the emotion its laughable how crazy they are.

[4mendmj]

Ontheup...powerful words sir. I have literally told W before (months ago) that she was addicted. I didn't realize until coming here how truly correct that assumption was. Frankly, it scares me but it also makes me wonder if looking at them differently can help...sometimes I see people here reference as almost feeling sorry for the person for their own sake.

Something I don't know if I have written about the sitch before but a little more background. The OW (wich is also in a relationship with a man) and all 3 of them (W, OW and OM) are all aware of each other and all spend most all of their time with each other etc.... (which is messed up to me) the OW...the parents of the OW have zero clue that the OW is even doing this to marriages and think their daughter walks on water loving a quad. I have always wanted to go talk to the OW's parents and let them know what a destructive life their D is living. Thoughts? Why do it? The OW has no skin in the game...no consequences...just keeps messing with other people's marriages while getting everything they want out of people. As soon as it turns serious, the OW has (so far) always kicked the person to the curb and picked up a new one instead (W being #3). Thoughts on putting some of OW's skin in the game?

[Ontheup]

I read an excellent post today on surviving infidelity site in the wayward section by a user called etaoin. He had been in a long affair and he broke the whole thing down about how why when how it stopped everything. Very interesting. Hard to read though so be warned

[4mendmj]

That was hard to read. Very hard to read. Very.

But it explains a lot. Many of what I read there directly applies to what I have seen in the last year unfortunately but there is validation in that too.

When W's father came out 2 months ago, it was the only time in the last year W came very close to coming back to the marriage. Not because of the intervention but because of the disaproval. As soon as she got comforted from the dad that he would love her no matter what (she told him it was all about me and had nothing to do with OW) she was back to home free and has had zero contact with father since then. Makes sense now. Plus, just now thinking about it from the other side too, the OW's parents having no clue, may be some pressure there. I will have to consult with my lawyer first because if it goes south, I have to keep that angle covered as well but would love to speak to the OW's parents. They are ultra-religious and althoug they love their D, they would flip/freak at how she is tearing another family apart.