If you don't have a separate checking account, open one today. You and Meredith are alot younger than me. Forever we had a joint account. 5 years ago, H no longer working, he started writing checks for all kinds of things. I used to save some money for emergencies, but even that wasn't enough to cover the large checks he was writing. I had my name taken off the account.
So, I opened my own account. Each week the money went into my account. I left a bare minimum in the other account. I wasn't cruel, I was paying all the bills and occasionally I'd drop money into the other account.
Sure H was pissed. I was hoping he'd get a job, start his own company like planned, etc. Bottom line is I needed to take control of the money I was making or we wouldn't have a very nice roof over our heads.
He still had credit cards. So when he maxed out one, I paid it down, then called and had the account froze. Sure he could have called to unfreeze it, but he never bothered to.
This was brought up in a C session once. I was pissed b/c the mortgage payment bounced. H was pissed cause we had taken a vacation. Hello, I had paid for most of it before we went, we needed (family) the time away for everyones sanity. If he hadn't gone on a private spending spree, it would not have been a problem. C understood it, even if H didn't .
You need to take an active role in protecting yourself.
But I still urge you to sit down with paper and pencil. It worked wonders when H wanted to buy a corvette. When I got done with the visual he couldn't believe that some months more went out than came in.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
