Wife having emotional affair 5

[3kids]

Thank you PM and Sandi. It's good to know that I'm on the right track with my kids. It's good to know that what I'm doing with them installs some of the right ethics and caring that was installed on me growing up. And I know that they have at least one parent to rely on.

PM I'm still reading my earl posts. I find it very difficult some days. And I have to stop. It brings up a lot of emotions. Some like, what was I doing, others very sad. I hope I'm learning from this hole ordeal. And I think i am. I can't express how much GALing helps to this board. It brings out the best, excepcialy when your in a funk.

For instance, last night I had a basketball game for the oldest. The wife did show up(shocker). After the game I was talking to some other parents and she approached me(she looked like she had been crying for days). We chit chated about kids stuff. I asked if she was ok and she responded with a shrug of the shoulders. I simply said if she needed to talk let me know. She declined but said thanks. Then I walked away and continued to talk to everyone else with a smile on my face. Afterwards I gave it a two second thought. And said to myself not my problem anymore. And continued with my night of GALing.

Then came just a little bit ago. She called me. Which is really odd. Because we are pretty much no contact right now. We talked about every thing from taxes to kids. Just securing up some loose ends. Again I asked if she was ok(you just know when something's up with them). This time I got I just am not good not bad. She brought up her job and how she wants to get her nursing degree and start a old folks home. But probably needs a business class or two. But suggested if we where together I could handle that(that's my major). Normally I would have jumped at that opening but I just said I think maybe that ship has sailed. Then next she started talking about how she can't find a place all to small or to much money. She joked how she could use our camper and live at a campsite with the kids. I told her you will find something, you always figure it out(not offering my place). She said she just has to stop putting it off and figure out her life. I told her what I have been telling the kids because they have been asking. Which was they will always have a place to stay with me and their mom can live with family and always pick them up until she finds a place. And not to worry. She was shocked that I told them that(like" you told them that"). Well you know the kids and I just wanted them not to worry about it. This was the first time we talked like that in two months instead of the one minute phone calls.

I'm proud of myself for two things. One I didn't seem available or offer my help. Second my PMA was off the charts and didn't show any emotions(control). The down part was I still think about saving her and not leaving the door open. I'm sure that will eventually go away(time). Even though right now I'm undecided if I want that door left open. With each day, week, month it gets harder to invision life with her anymore or how hard it would be to work though everything. I'm getting to a real happy place and the amount of work that it would take seems like a mountain.

Just keep working to better myself is what I'm left with.

Thanks
3kids