W just called before her plane left. She said that I seemed upset and that she was really worried that I was mad at her and was going to leave her. I said we needed to talk when she got home, but that it ought to be in person. She alternated between crying and trying to blame me for making her so upset before her flight, but I stuck to my guns and said we'd need to talk in person. We'll see what happens.
You have had a cram session before taking the test. Some of it you will remember, and more than likely, she'll hit with something to throws you off guard. It will not all get settled right now. Take one issue at a time, as best you can. When in doubt in what to say when she says she loves you........say nothing.
Let her bawl her eyes out. She is going to use every trick in the book. Crying and acting surprised that something might be "wrong with you"? All part of the course.
I just love it when the WW asks the H, "Is something wrong?". One word answers, I think, works well. B/c she is not going to listen to any in-depth discussions right now. Her brain is spinning. That is a good thing ! Keep "her" off guard.
I think when a WW makes an outlandish statement or question, the best answer (until you get better grounded) is to say, "Really?".
When she bursts into tears, you give her an incredulous look and say, "Really"!
When she says ILY, you give the same look and say, Really"!
When she says you seem upset, you do the same. "Really"!
I don't think you need to say a lot when she gets home. She'll start asking questions or saying something to feel you out. Not to avoid confrontation or anything like that, but to let her stew and worry about what is about to go down. You can reply with, "What did you really expect"?
I don't know if the others agree or not, but I see no problem if you want to leave her standing there and say you are going out. Then turn off your phone and go get a room for the night. Either that, or tell her to get out. (Don't worry, I don't mean permanently, but she doesn't have to know it.)
She needs the mess shocked out of her. I'm serious. The fastest turn-arounds I have seen has been when the H would not even try to discuss anything with her and got the heck out of Dodge. It would cause the WW to forget about OM and all that was on her mind was getting her H back at any cost. She suddenly finds herself as the WAS. I really believe men lose a precious window of time by "talking". She is not prepared, yet, to hear any of it.
This is not the usual advice given by DBers, it's just my own. I guarantee you it would have yanked my tail around fast if my LBH had done that very thing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
