I’ve never posted to you before, but I think I might have something of value to add in this situation, possibly from the viewpoint of the other people in your meeting today.
In my career, I’ve been in positions where I’ve managed many teams of people, and I have been in the position of having to deliver difficult feedback probably close to a hundred times. Let me assure you, this really is an opportunity for you.
First of all, I know you are dreading this meeting and I can promise you the other participants aren’t looking forward to it either. They’re human too, and these conversations aren’t easy to have. So, first piece of advice, you don’t have to be a pushover, you don’t have to grovel, but do be gracious. Trust me, they will appreciate it.
When people are facing your situation they tend to react in the following ways:
1. Commonly they get defensive and develop a chip on their shoulder. They make excuses for why they can’t do better and find other people to blame. They resent you for delivering the message and let you know it in a thousand ways. Sometimes their work improves, mostly not, and they usually end up going elsewhere, voluntarily or not.
2. They take the feedback grudgingly and do what you ask, but resent you, they will continue to have other problems in their work and rarely move up.
3. They take the feedback grudgingly, improve their work and later admit you might have had a point.
4. They are crushed by your feedback and kill themselves trying to improve. The next time a problem comes up, you dread addressing it with them because of their reaction.
5. They are grateful for the feedback, really try to improve, check in with you to make sure they are meeting expectations and grow. The next time you have to address their work, you trust that they will be willing to partner with you to make this better.
Heather, the people in category 5, are very rare indeed. I can think of maybe 2 or 3 in my career. And they were worth their weight in adamantium. The ability to hear a hard message, take it to heart and then turn it around to meet and eventually exceed expectations, is very special. You have the opportunity here to show that you are one of those people. I’ve read a lot of your threads and I know you can do it!
I know it’s hard. I try to follow my own advice, but when you hear you aren’t doing the job you’re supposed to….well it stings. But you can choose how to react to it.
15 years ago, I had a woman who reported to me who was fantastic at her data entry type job. She wanted desperately to move into management, and I had to tell her that wouldn’t happen because her communications to managers were sometimes embarrassing, filled with slang and basically on the level of ten year old girls passing notes in class (I was a lot more tactful, of course). It was hard and embarrassing for her to hear. I offered to help her. She seemed defeated at first. But the next day, she thanked me for telling her the truth about what needed to change and she busted her a** to make it so. She took me up on my offer of help, and came to me for feedback and advice about how to word things, she got a bunch of books on business writing, she checked in frequently to measure progress. And of course, she ended up with that well deserved promotion. Subsequently, I gave her a lot of challenging projects which were great learning opportunities, because I trusted her to deal with them in the same mature way. From what they wrote to you, my opinion is that this is not the end. They are giving you the opportunity to make something better. Grab It!
I’m not going to wish you luck, because that would imply you don’t have any control here, and you do.
