Gogofo - LRT letter - planning a new beginning

[gogofo]

I hit my going dark goals yesterday. When I got home the kids were eating dinner with the W. She had half a sandwich left for me to eat.

I kept interactions minimal and just talked about things about the house. Did not really engage her in much dialog.

The kids and I left and ran errands etc. then I put then down for bed.

It was hard but I forced myself to not empty the dishwasher and load it with the dishes in the sink. I don't know if I will be able to not do house work things. What I will do though is not go over the top with trying to get everything perfect. I did not do her or the kids laundry this week like I had been doing. I noticed she had loaded the washer with the kids stuff, but I left it alone too.

I then went to my bedroom and relaxed and did some reading.

I started reading the "Going Dark -101" thread from the archives. It has given me great perspective and insight into the technique. I saw it as a black and white or on/off kind of thing. I read through 4 of the 22 pages so I have a lot of reading to do.

I know I do not have the strength to go dark, I just don't have it in me when we are in the same house. There was a long post that described going dark while in the same house, that is what I am going to aim at doing.

Here is my plan of action. I will be cordial around my W and if she starts a conversation I will participate. I will not start conversations unless it is about kids or house, etc. I will not hang around in the common areas of the house if the kids are not there. I will try to be physically removed from her space and shared spaces. I will stop my "do you need anything" text messages. I will try to not cook a dinner specific for her. I used to cook for kids and then have some dinner ready for us when she got off of work, no more of this.

Plans for the weekend.
Have fun with boys tonight and buy a b-day present for a friend's kid's party on sunday.
Install fire door at the house Saturday morning and work on loading up the house stuff into the trailer.
Take kids to movie on Saturday night.
Load trailer on Sunday.

Where I need help.
When I tell the W about my plans for the movie I don't know what to say in response if she asks to join us.

I think something like "I would like to take just the kids and I, a daddy date."

My heart wants the whole family to be there, but that is because I am not emotionally detached. I would have the expectation that she would change her stance about the D.

The response to the D complaint will be sent today. I will try to get my rain coat and umbrella ready.