Just keep as much oxygen/air/freedom in your house as possible. My H shared a funny meme with me last night - men are like dogs; we're excited to see you and we don't know why you're mad at us.
IMO, your H was coming home late bc he didn't feel good being home. Or he was having a better time elsewhere. The cycle you describe - spot on probably.
It helped in my sitch to share some of what I realized about what I was doing with H. It was a exercise by our MC in the beginning. He would say he was glad I recognized but changes would take years. I agreed they might. I smiled and said they might not, too. And tgen as so many have said here - I had to act, demonstrate, show. Words don't do s$**. But at tge same time, there has to be some acknowledgement of what happened I think. We had some really good conversations around some of this. Sometimes he pushed back and got angry, too. It all really depends. Out of the blue, for you, it might be a quick "Hey, I am starting to realize how X I was. I'm sorry how that must have been for you." Preferably not in middle of dinner or a place that he would feel trapped to sit there and respond. A place you can keep walking if needed, or get back to whatever you both were doing. If he continues in any way, fine. If not, fine...go on with your strong happy self. Keep the air in the house at all times.
Going out with your H - it's still GAL!! Have FUN. Touch each other, flirt, make the most of it. Enjoy those hugs. (Not clingy desperate). Hell, I say have a few drinks and end up in bed together if you can and you both want it. Connect. Show yourself off, laugh. Give hope. Do what works to bring you closer and demonstrate your changes.
(Cheerleading over.)
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
