Oh, Susana! (3)

[susana4]

I'm feeling SO nervous about H coming home from his ski trip today, and I don't know why. I just have a nervous knot in my stomach. Based on recent interactions and texts while he was away, I have no reason to expect anything other than friendliness, I just feel nervous!

Found this earlier on labug's old threads (love reading some of the stuff on here, so much wisdom on these boards!)

My controlling comes from my mother needing (for her reasons) me to appear perfect to the outside world. If I didn't measure up I was punished, so I attempted to control myself, events, other people so I could appear perfect. A defense mechanism to get me through a tough time, but I no longer need it. I can let it go.

Oh yes. This really hit me.

I'm thinking about DB coach's advice to invite him to do an activity (and work at being friends)...and I'm just not sure how much is too much. I found this free maze in a local park and would love to go this weekend but we're going to a comedy night Wednesday (he gave me tickets for my bday) and I don't want to push too much interaction, too soon. Well obviously I don't want to push at all, that would be bad!