Those are really good observations by the coach. You remind me soooo much of me and my behaviors. I did the same things. Used to get upset when ex came home late. If she was quiet i used to take personally thinking she was angry at me. After a while she probably felt as if she was walking on egg shells. I assume your H is going through the same. This experience forced me to look at myself and just relax.
Yeah, I think I just needed to realise that he's not me and his actions shouldn't have affected me so much. We had the same argument a lot. It wasn't that he was coming home later than normal, it was that he refused to name a time when he would be back, if he was going out with his friends. Or, he'd name a time and then he'd be wildly off. I don't mean like 5 or 10 minutes, I mean hours. I couldn't understand what was so hard about coming back at the time he said he'd be back, or texting to say he'd be late. I don't really think my request was that unreasonable but I can see now that me criticising and being angry really didn't help anything. So eventually he started coming back at the time he said he would...but then he just resented me because he felt forced. I actually thought we solved it in the last few months before BD, because I stopped cooking on the nights he went out (my main problem was I'd spend a long time making a meal and then he'd be back a lot later and the food would be cold, or sometimes I'd wait on him to eat myself and just get resentful - not a good cycle). But maybe it was too late at that point.
The weirdest thing is that since BD H has been excellent at texting to say when he'll be home - far better than ever before pre-BD. Maybe it's because I spent a long time thinking about why it upset me so much when he came home unexpectedly and was able to articulate it in a calm way in MC.
Last edited by susana4; 02/13/1502:35 PM.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
